The playdate dilemma

For the past 5 years, I've gotten very comfortable knowing all the moms and kids we hang out with.  They are a great bunch and I have no problems or concerns dropping either Ian or Sam off at their house and coming back a few hours later to pick them up. 

With Ian in kindergarten, we've entered new territory that doesn't seem to come with a rule book.  Playdates with Ian's new classmates.  Clearly, the mom arranging the playdate isn't asking me (and my 2 year old companion) to stay, but she also doesn't know me and I don't know her.  It's a fine line on what is the right, safe thing to do.  So far, I've made sure that I am the one to drop Ian off at the friend's house and can take a quick peek at the house and the mom.  But is this enough?  Do I need to take this a few steps further and find out if guns are kept in the house?  Should I be taking a tour of the house and make certain that it doesn't look too weird or that inappropriate items (cigarettes, drugs, adult magazines, etc) are within Ian and his friend's reach?  Should I be asking this mom how closely she'll be supervising my child and will actually be in the house?  And don't get me started on older kids being around Ian and his friend and getting them do unsavory things (especially if a parent is not readily close by).

I never thought I would be one of those over-protective mothers, but I want to make sure Ian is safe.  Heck, who am I kidding?  I am definitely one of those over-protective mothers.  It's a scary world out there and my baby is only 5 years old.  I want to keep him sweet, innocent and drug/alcohol free for as long as possible.

But how far do I go?  And at what point do I come off as a complete freak?  The playdate we had when Ian's friend came over, I invited the mom to come in and stay.  I could tell she had no plans to, as her car was still turned on when she walked her little boy to our door.  So, when it was time to reciprocate and Ian was invited over to their house, I wasn't sure what to do.  We ended up getting to the little boy's house before he managed to come off the bus.  I told Ian we would go find his mom and help meet the bus.  I got very lucky and discovered a good mommy friend also waiting for her son to come off the bus.  It just so happens that my friend lives across the street from Ian's new kindergarten friend.  We chatted briefly and in a roundabout way, I got a reference on this family, where Ian was having a playdate.

In a perfect world, I'll have all of Ian's friends over to the house first and can start siezing up the mom.  Then when it comes time for Ian to go their house, magically, they'll also have a 2 year old and will invite us all in for one big playdate.  This will happen a couple times and then I will feel completely comfortable dropping Ian off for future playdates.

Since this is a long shot of ever happening, I have to rely on my mommy instincts and hope that Ian has some sense and good judgement.  Look, I know I am a bit neurotic.  First I was worried that Ian wouldn't make friends and now that he seems to be Mr. Popular, I've moved on to a new concern, wanting to know these new friends.  It's like being between a rock and a hard place.

My little boy is growing up and I am not sure I am ready to let go.