At the Family Reunion this past weekend, I was asked how I'm doing. The one word that kept popping out of my mouth was "Exhausted". I didn't realize how much this was at the forefront of my thoughts. But its true, I am very tried. I am so worn out from all the running around. The back and forth to all of Sam's appointments. Not seeing any progress and trying to be incredibly patient is not a good combination. Being told that we should go see this specialist or that one is getting insane. Having all these parenting books strongly recommended I read ("The Out-of-Sync Child", "The Explosive Child", "Effective Parenting for the Hard to Manage Child" and others) is enough to make your head spin. Every time I think I can start seeing my therapist every other week instead of weekly, I realize I am still far, far away from this happening. If I wasn't so busy running around, I'd request seeing her daily.
Last week at Sam's therapy appointment, we arrived a little on the early side and was waiting for Sam's therapist to come get us from the lobby. Sam took one look at her clothing and FREAKED OUT. Apparently, a good 6 1/2 hours after getting dressed, she felt like she looked silly. Her clothes didn't 'twirl'. And she was not happy she wasn't wearing a skirt. She wanted to put something different on IMMEDIATELY! My only option I could offer her was the back-up clothing I carry with me. I had a pair of jean shorts and short sleeve t-shirt ready to go. She was adamant that these clothes would not help the situation and quickly took off the offending articles of clothing she was wearing. So now Sam is standing completely naked (she did keep her socks on) and is screaming at the top of her lungs. Screaming so loud that the walls have started to shake. Of course, this brings out every therapist, from behind their closed doors to see what in the world is going on and if they can do anything to help. Ah, its just a naked little girl screaming for no reason. Ok, then. Back to their offices everyone went. About 20 minutes later Sam finally calmed down. When I could talk her into putting her clothes back on, she decided to put on everything! Both shirts and both pairs of bottoms. And for the rest of the day, that is how Sam stayed dressed. Even when we got back home and she could change into something else. You know, something that could twirl.
Sam showed her therapist the way she used to be. All. The. Time. We had been good for awhile, but now I am seeing some of the old ways coming back. My tired self no longer has any fight left in me to deal with this. The endless complaining, screaming and whining is mentally draining.
On top of this, Sam's therapist seems to think there is more sensory stuff going on and has us getting Sam evaluated again for Occupational Therapy. We've already gone to one appointment and need to go back again this Monday.
Let's see what else - our downstairs sprung a leak somewhere from the outside through the door to the inside. Water, water, everywhere. Jeff and I dealt with this late Friday night before we left town for the weekend. We pulled up a huge chunk of carpet to see where the water was coming in from and to minimize the damage. The adjuster came by and told us that since it was surface water, none of this is covered by homeowner's insurance. This is making for some fun conversations between Jeff and me.
When initially trying to put the call into the adjuster with the insurance company, I couldn't get a dial tone on our home phone line. Ha! It was starting to get comical now all the things I was dealing with at the same moment. It took 42 minutes on my cell phone (which gets horrible service at my house, so I was stuck in my front door way so the call wouldn't drop) to get a date and time for the repair guy to check our wiring. The appointment was going to be a full 2 days later because I honestly had no other 4 hour window to be at the house to wait for him. But it gets better! At 11:00pm the night before the long awaited service appointment, for some strange reason I go to the main handset and notice it is not plugged in. At all. Even when I did my trouble shooting, I unplugged it from the wall jack and didn't notice that it wasn't connected to the base of the phone. Oh what fun! Seriously, I feel like I am losing it.
My mom has her triple by-pass surgery scheduled for Tuesday, June 19th. I'll be down in Orlando from the 18th to the 28th. During this time, Jeff is running the show solo and leading Team Toppall all on his own. Many friends are offering to help, but part of me worries about Jeff and the kids being without me for this long. I've never been gone 10 days before. Of course, I will have everything written out (where the kids need to be, what to pack in lunches, etc) and will get a bunch of dinners made before hand, but 10 days is still a long time. And when I am not thinking about the situation I'll be leaving up here, I am thinking about my mom and hoping for the best. This is pretty major surgery she is having. My mom already deals with a host of other issues (Type 1 diabetes, thyroid, high blood pressure, etc), any kind of surgery is going to be harder because of this. Recovery is going to be longer and harder. I so badly just want her to be okay. Being down there is where I need to be. Jeff and the kids will do fine.
While I am gone, the kids will be starting a camp they've never been to before with kids they don't know. I know Ian will be fine adapting, but it will interesting to see how Sam does getting dropped off. One of the Tuesdays I am out of town, Jeff will be getting a taste of just how crazy my schedule usually is. He'll drop the kids off at camp at 9:00am. Go back at 1:30pm to pick Sam up for a 2:00pm to 2:50pm therapy appointment. Pick Ian up at camp at 3:30pm and then drop Ian off at gymnastics from 4:00pm to 6:00pm. Yowzer. I think the kids and Jeff will be sleeping well that night. Note to self: Make sure copies of the kids' immunization records get sent to us in time.
And here's the icing on the cake. The Man told me two days ago, that one of the things that drove him into retirement was a lack of competent people helping him do his job. Guess what? He is so happy to have found me that he is now thinking of getting back in the game and working. He wanted to know that I could give him 4 days a week, at least a couple hours each day. Hahahaha! Seriously? The Man is 75 years old. Enjoy being retired. I replied with, "This is a good time to tell you my summer schedule. I have at least 6 full weeks and a handful of individual days from now until Labor Day that I am not available whatsoever. Here, I made you a color-coded calendar outlining each day." I then suggested maybe he consider coming out of retirement in September.
I feel like everything is piling up. Any of these issues on their own would be enough to deal with, but all together it becomes too much.
I realize It's all minor in the big scheme of things. Sam being as challenging as she is just makes everything else that harder to deal with. Because by the time whatever has happened happens, I no longer have any strength or gusto to tackle it.
Tired. Yes. That's me. I am looking forward to my mom napping after her surgery. As of right now I will be too.
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