The other thing I've taken from this book is to drop all expectations. Does it really matter? It's not giving in, but finding a way to compromise. Sam is incredibly head-strong and has many ideas of her own. There is no imposing my preconceived notions of how something should be. Case in point -- if we are going to the park for the day and she wants to wear her flip-flops or crocs. I know for a fact, this is not practical and Sam will be very upset when sand, mulch and twigs gets in her shoes. So in the past, I've had many, many battles telling her she can't wear these shoes to the park. Instead, I want her to wear the shoes that will protect her feet, allow her to run and climb without slipping or falling and generally better suited for playing. In the end, I've won the battle, but not without much yelling and forcing my point. Now, my new plan is to let her wear the impractical shoes and bring the more suitable shoes with me. I'll let her fall (once!) or get mulch all stuck in her foot (therefore, complain) and be ready with the shoes I think she should be wearing. This is an easy way for us to both win and we've gotten out the door realatively trauma-free.
I was never a big fan of Sam's therapist. This is the woman we've been seeing since the end of February. I felt like Sam completely ran every session and the clinician had very little control on how they spent their time together. Now whether this was part of the master plan on the therapist's part or she was truly in over-her-head with the likes of Sam, I'll never know. It had been 4 full months and the therapist had yet to address the potty training issues (withholding poop) we are dealing with. After speaking with a few close friends who have degrees in therapy, I was encouraged to drop this therapist and find someone better suited for Sam. Why did it take me this long to come to this conclusion? Because everyone has said, the road to Sam pooping and peeing like the regular population will be a long, long road. Like upwards of 18 months long. I needed to be paitient. I am not a naturally paitient person, and was doing my best to let the process happen. I knew results wouldn't be seen overnight and had to give it time. But Sam never really took to the therapist and I was trying to let a bond happen that wasn't coming easily.
After my return from Florida, I met with Sam's therapist on a one-on-one session to check in and see where we were. She was ready to address the toilet training problem and tell me her ideas. Finally! I figured after all this time, I had to hear what she had to say. If our chat didn't result in making me feel better about Sam's sessions with this woman, I was prepared to call her up and tell her we are going to try someone else.
SO here's the real kicker -- Sam's therapist dropped us before I could drop her. Wow. Just wow. She said that this other clinician in the practice has an opening and Sam and I would be better suited with her. She is certified in this "Parent-Child Interaction Therapy" and it would be beneficial for Jeff and me to go through this 14 session training intervention. I was given a brochure on what this training is all about and how it will help. It apparently is designed for the "disruptive" (a term used many, many times) child and how to avoid confrontations. Oh and by the way, she can also address the toilet training issue. (This was said very after the fact. The main concern being the interaction therapy.)
OMG! Can I tell you how pissed I am!!?!?!?!?!? Seriously? How Jeff and I interact with Sam is such a concern that she is recommending this program??!?!?! And when you read the brochure the first thing it says is: "Who is PCIT for?" "Children who have experienced stress or trauma". What the hell trauma or stress has Sam had to deal with? You'd think Sam was abused or neglected or being raised by a crack-whore, or her father was no longer in the picture. None of this is further from the truth!
And as for my parenting skills (you know interacting with my child), this is not my first time at the rodeo. I do have a 7 year old son who is very well adjusted and not showing any signs of "stress" or "trauma".
In my "EXPERT" opinion, Sam has control issues. Plain and simple. She likes (no, LOVES) to be in control. It has to be her idea and if its not, then G-d help us. Her withholding poop is another sign of her exerting control. But somewhere along the way, it has become all about the way I am a mother to her.
Personally, I think we need to leave this practice of clinicians altogether and find someone with more of a psychriatric background that can really help Sam. Someone who can recommend testing if needed. I know Sam is very young to be diagnosed with any kind of disorder, but it would be helpful if someone (who knew what they were doing) could tell us that Sam's control issues could be a sign of this or that. Someone who thinks dealing with the encompresis (poop withholding) is a top-priority and not an after-thought.
I spoke with Jeff and he thinks we should just give Sam the rest of the summer off from therapy. Let her have a break. I am inclined to agree with him.
Before we got dropped (uh, I mean referred to someone else), Sam's therapist did tell me her thoughts on what we should do with the toilet training. We are currently trying it now. Wish us the best that this is the beginning of the end of this nightmare. And oh yeah, that it is Sam's idea to want to do this too.
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