Puppy please.

One of the families in the preschool I work at recently got a German Shepherd.  The mom has brought the four month old puppy into the school on a few occasions at pick-up time.  I got to meet Ike the other day.  Those who know me, know I have a soft spot for German Shepherds. 

As I was petting this dog, I started tearing up.  My eyes were watering over missing Bailey and over currently not having a dog in my life.  Growing up, we always had dogs.  Sometimes more than one at a time.  As soon as I graduated college and could support a four-legged friend, I got one. I always thought I would have one in my life. And I always thought my kids would grow up with dogs too. 

Bailey was with me when I met Jeff.  Jeff loved Bailey as much as I did.  I know he did.  I don't question that.  I also know Jeff loves me very much.  Again, I don't question that either.  It was hard for all of us when we lost Bailey 5 years ago.  Sam was just about to turn 2 years old. 

The kids and I very much want another dog in our lives. We talk about it all the time. We toss around names we'd give a puppy.  Late at night I've started looking online at German Shepherd rescue websites and local German Shepherd breeders.  I found this one rescue dog who was described as "Spunky".  Apparently he needed to have emergency spleen surgery.  Within 36 hours of the surgery being over, this little guy who I am presuming is still in foster care, pulled out his own catheter and escaped his crate.  Yeah, I don't think that's one for us. 

With all the snow we've been getting, I frequently think about how much Bailey loved the snow.  I think about showing a puppy snow for the first time.  Or, taking it to the park or on long walks. 

Unfortunately Jeff isn't ready yet to jump back into making our family of 4, now 5.  There are many reasons he gives; not enough income to support one and any medical issues/extra costs that may come with a dog, too noisy in our already small house, shedding is an issue, etc. I could go on and on.  Jeff doesn't lack reasons why a dog is a bad idea.  And its not just a German Shepherd that would be an issue.  He would have a problem even with a toy, non-shedding breed that doesn't bark.

I feel very strongly that we can make it work.  In fact, if not now, then when?  Why do we work as hard as we do, if we can't do things that will make us happy?  Life is too fragile and it can all end tomorrow. The last thing I want is another 5 years to go by and realize we still haven't enriched our lives to amazing depths I know a dog would give us.

The kids know I want a dog as much as they do.  But they don't know just how deep this feeling goes.  I am pretty sure Jeff does though. 

I want to respect Jeff's wishes and be okay waiting until he is ready, but I don't see any end in sight.  It's frustrating.   There is a big part of me that wants to bring home a dog and just deal with the consequences.  That's not right, is it?  I wish it didn't have to be all or nothing.  There is no compromise to this problem.  When Jeff gets his way, I don't get something I always thought I would have be a part of my life.  And if I get my way, Jeff could make living with him very ugly; which of course, I don't want.  I actually like being married and don't want to jeopardize that.

It's more than just bringing a dog home and hoping for the best, I want this to be Jeff's idea too.  I want him to say, "Hey, I think getting a dog is just what we need.  Let's start the process now because it won't happen overnight.  I am 100% in for the craziness, noise, mess, and love a dog will bring to our lives.  I can't believe I haven't been ready before, but I am now.  Let's do it!"   Ok, so maybe that is a little over-the-top for Jeff to ever say, but you get the idea. 

I've waited 5 years, I guess I'll be waiting even longer.