Mommy Meltdowns: Momentum.

The awesome place I do my boot camp style workouts at distributes a newsletter once a month. The newsletter is chock-full of great info (healthy recipes, the workout schedule, upcoming events outside of the gym, etc). Additionally, the newsletter each month highlights a different member, giving you the chance to get to know them and hear their story. I am always so inspired by what each of the members write. It's one of the big things I look forward to reading each month.

This month, my friend Kelly asked me to be the member featured. While flattered that I was asked, I quickly wrote back and said, "thanks, but no thanks". I am totally screwed up. I want people to be inspired not depressed after getting a glimpse inside my brain. She gently persuaded me and said what I would write would resonate with so many people. I'd be surprised by how many women feel this exact way, she said. Ok, then. I will give it a go.

I ended up being pretty pleased with how it turned out. It wasn't as depressing as I'd thought it would be. Here is what I wrote / written for the June 2016 Newsletter:

Sometimes I think that it would be easier not to care so much. Not worry about how big I am getting or how much I weigh. Not worry about how little energy I have. Not think twice about having that second piece of cake or another helping of pasta (gluten free of course!). Basically just give up.

But then I realize I won't be able to keep up with my two very energetic kids. I won't be able to do fun things like rope courses or zip lining. I won't ever get to know what it feels like to cross the finish line of a race that I worked very hard to train for. I won't be able to go to the doctor without fear that he will give me bad news of what the excess weight is doing to me.

So I do care. I care very much. I am always trying to figure out what will work for me. What can I do to be my healthiest self and maintain it long-term? These past 9 months have been a powerful journey of bringing together exercise and diet. This is the first time in 44 years I am still feeling so motivated after such a long amount of time. I did my first Whole30 on October 12th with my friend Susanne. I look back and am in awe that we accomplished what we did those first 30 days. And I kept going! It's not easy, and I struggle every day making the right choice (and I don't always), but I believe strongly in the plan.

I started working out at Empower when it first opened in September. Faithfully, I go every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings at 5:30am. I can't imagine never not going. Between Donald and the 5:30am ladies, it's a fabulous trifecta of trainer, workout buddies, and just the right exercises to keep it challenging and fun.

Since October, I've lost a little more than 30 pounds. But more than anything, I am excited to have more pep in my step, the thrill of wearing a smaller size of clothing, less chins in the pictures I'm in and the knowledge that my cholesterol is in a healthy range and I am not pre-diabetic.

I am not done. Far from it. It is a struggle every day. Every. Single. Day. I wrestle with the demons in my head to make the healthier choice. It will always be baby steps for me and my hope that over time I've gotten further ahead than I have behind.

At the end of each day, as I go to sleep and review my day, I know all the hard work was worth it.