Unplugged

I am as big of a fan of technology as the next person, maybe even more so. I love what we have the capability to do, the conveniences it gives us, the communication channels it enables us to have, and of course, the entertainment factor.  But I fear technology is going to be the downfall of our youth.

I recently read this book titled, "Disconnected: How to reconnect our digitally distracted kids".  It was eye-opening and completely validated everything I had been feeling.  We never used to place time limits on Ian and Samantha being on their ipads or Xbox.  I felt as long as the kids could walk away upon request, then we didn't really have a problem. I was wrong, wrong, wrong.  We have created problems and lots of them.  I, for one, am to blame.  It's very easy to let screens become an electronic babysitter.

It's interesting as Ian and Sam, who both spend way too much time connected to a screen, have manifested their attention deficit, grumpiness, and restlessness through different approaches. 

Samantha is glued to her iPad and will spend hours upon hours, alone in her room, playing quietly.  The peace it gives our house is actually quite nice and I suppose that is why we've never upset the apple cart.  However, without an iPad in her hands, she has no ability to entertain herself.  This is a really big deal, as she has never fully developed the power to be creative and imaginative on her own.  Back in my day growing up, when iPads weren't a thing, we'd have to come up with a way to fill up our free time on our own.  Thus, I turned to books and found a love of reading that keeps me going to this day.  Give me a good book and I'm happy for hours.  With Samantha, she struggles greatly with this concept and is quick to say "I'm bored."  Repeatedly!   Additionally, she is so used to the instant feedback when playing a game electronically and the over-stimulation is gives, that she can no longer 'tolerate' having a conversation with me at a normal pace.  It's quite rude when you are trying to talk to her and she says, "I got it. Go faster.  If you can't get to your point quicker, I'm walking away."  Or melting down when I am trying to explain math or history to her and she expects to grasp the concept instantaneously and has no patience to sit and listen. 

Some of the problems we are experiencing could be the way her brain is wired.  She has been diagnosed with ADHD, Inattentive Type, but this could very well be exasperated by the countless hours playing her on iPad.  Since she was 3 years old.*  Don't get me wrong, I do love the education, and strategic thinking it has provided and does still provide, but enough is enough.  Not to mention there is nothing better than a 13 hour road trip to Florida and having her not ask us "Are we there yet?" every 10 minutes.  Does this make me a hypocrite?  Maybe so.  But for the longest time I was under the impression there was nothing wrong with how we were living. 

Meanwhile, Ian has a very different issue.  He is fully able to hold a conversation and not be rude.  He can entertain himself without a screen; he actually likes reading too.  But, he has multiple screens going at the same time.  He'll be playing the xbox, texting on iphone, while streaming YouTube video after YouTube video. It is maddening!  And this can't be healthy.  Can you imagine the effects this is having on your brain? 

In this book I just finished reading, I learned so many valuable things.  When you think you are good at multitasking, you actually are not and having the exact opposite effect.  Everything you are working on suffers and concentration to perform one task while simultaneously doing others, is not successful. Also, studies have shown that kids being connected to screens for too many hours diminishes their attention spam, by a staggering amount.  That's an immediate short term effect.  Long term effect?  The inability to hold a conversation or even present themselves intelligently in a job interview.  They are not used to having to make eye contact with others, among other necessary social skills.  Of course school work suffers as a result. Now that Ian is in middle school, he has 90 minute blocks for his classes.  Sitting in one spot for 90 minutes is tough for most people, but imagine sitting still for 90 minutes listening to a teacher when you are used to jumping and moving around playing a video game.  Oy! 

I am done, Done with a capital "D" letting this go on any longer.  After reading the recommendations on appropriate screen time (3 hours a day?  Are they insane?), I have come up with our list of rules we are now enforcing at Casa del Toppall.  It's been 3 glorious weeks and I have to say the improvements we've seen to date have put a big smile on my face.  I found an app that will limit screen usage and put it on Sam's iPad.  She is allowed 1 hour a day during the week, 90 minutes on Fridays, and 3 hours on Saturday, 3 hours on Sunday. Saturday and Sunday's usage can not be more than one hour at time, with at least a 30 minute block in between hours.   The app will monitor how long she is on for and then block her from doing anything once her time is up.  Sam has full control on if she wants to be on it for some amount of time before school or leave the whole hour to when she gets home.   Homework has to be done before screens can be used after school.  If given any attitude, whining or demands being made, the remaining iPad time for the day goes away instantly.  If the time has already been used, than the next day's time goes away.  I am able to control this app remotely from my iPhone and additionally, have a special password on her iPad to switch between parent mode and child mode when changes need to be made.

All electronics get turned over to me at 9:00pm each day -- regardless if its a weekday or weekend. 

With Ian, if I see him working two screens at the same time, he instantly loses both of them. So far this has happened only once. 

Since the new rules have been enforced, Sam picked up a book she needed to read for school and had been procrastinating doing.  As she is reading the book, she looks at me and with much sass says, "I'm only reading this because I am bored."  Ha!  My dear, you are putting a nail in your own coffin.  And get this!  The first snow day we had 2 weeks ago (it was a Wednesday), it wasn't until 3:00pm before Sam picked up her iPad for the first time that day.  She filled her time with playing with Lucy in the snow, drawing a cartoon character she created calls "Dog Girl", coloring and watching some tv.   #Winning!

I am finding that this is not singularly our problem.  A large majority of friends I've spoken with are having the same exact issues.  There is much solidarity among the moms on how to fix this epidemic and get it under control.  Moms against too much screen time unite!