If there is one area that I should feel in complete control over, it's my weight. My weight fluctuates more than a yo-yo goes up and down and up again. I am currently experiencing an upward swing in numbers. It's not fun and I'm a mix of disgusted, disappointed in myself and very frustrated.
I hate how difficult it is to lose and then maintain a healthy weight. I love how I feel with I can wear the smaller sizes in my closet (heck, I could open a store with the range of clothing sizes I have represented). And I love how I don't dread getting on the scale and seeing a smaller number than the day or week before. But for some reason, it is extremely challenging for me to stick with it and to keep enjoying the positive benefits of weighing less.
I am back to doing weight watchers and tracking what I eat. I am determined to make it this time and not give up. I don't expect huge results overnight, but I do need to be more diligent about what I eat beyond the first few months. I seem to do great at first, take a breath so to speak, and the next thing you know, I am back to where I was. No more! This time will be different. I want to change for the better and stick with it.
I am such a strong, persistent person in all other areas, why can't I be the same way with my weight? Jeff says he doesn't care how much I weigh as long as I can fit thru doors. While that's a really sweet sentiment and gosh, I love him for this way of thinking, I want more for myself than that. I want to be proud of being able to look this stupid struggle I've had my whole life square in the face and know that I was stronger than it.
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