It's pretty cold at our house. Over the weekend I dropped a big bomb on my darling husband and told him I wanted to quit the sausage selling job. I am no longer enjoying it or find it fulfilling. I want my weekends back to spend with the family. I knew it was mentally over for me when I was getting dressed to leave on Saturday morning and desperately wanted to stay and hang out with the kids and Jeff. The weather was beautiful and it would've been a great day to go the pool or a local park.
My heart is no longer in it and I feel like I've done my duty by getting the job in the first place when it was most needed to step up. I was willing to do whatever it took to bring in some money and contribute the best way I could. However, now that Jeff has a great job and is making a nice, steady income, I want my old life back. I want to go back to the way things were. I want us to be a family again on the weekends.
Jeff feels very different than I do about this. For the first time in 4 years, he saw us being able to do all the things that were not easily possible; getting new carpet/hardwood floors installed, taking a vacation, covering the costs associated with attending my sister's wedding, paying for Ian's preschool, etc. While the money I am making is not nearly enough to cover all these wish list items, it is plenty to give us the opportunity to pay for some of it and not stress where the money will come from or do without it.
Jeff feels a lot of pressure being the sole breadwinner. I know its been tough for him and each year our expenses only go up. In my mind, I feel like we made it work for the majority of the past 4 years and Jeff wasn't making close to the salary he is now. In fact, when I first started being a SAHM, it was a considerable amount less. Looking back, it wasn't easy and the sacrifices/compromises we made were plenty, but we have some great memories of things we did together as a family.
The air in our house is cold. Very cold. Jeff is not happy with my decision to quit the weekend job. Over the last 48 hours we've had quite a few discussions about this and I am not sure what a happy compromise will be. Last night we reviewed our budget to see where we can cut back and give ourselves some extra cushioning each month. Of course, dining out and buying gifts for people are the easiest things to take a hit on. Also, we are going to try to go back to living solely on cash for the month of June. We did this about two years ago for a couple of months and found we thought about each purchase that was made. Was it worth it spending the cash we had in our wallets to buy it? Funny enough, 9 times out of 10, it was not necessary. We don't have any credit card debt, so the savings should be instantaneous.
I told my supervisor I will give them the month of June of continuing to work each weekend before handing in my demo kit and saying good-bye to my sausage selling career. I am hoping that we have an excellent month of making our revised budget work and Jeff can breathe a little easier about this 2nd source of income ending. Plus, the extra income still coming in over the course of the month of June should help cover at least one item on our ever growing list of things we'd like to do.
I just read what I wrote and fully realize that I am coming off as a spoiled brat. I know there are families who have it so much harder and work 2 or 3 jobs in order to make ends meet. People who never get to see their kids awake and being home with them Monday thru Friday would be a dream come true. However, we ARE making ends meet and taking care of all our basics, plus usually being able to cover unexpected expenses that inevitably hit us each month. Jeff just wants more than that for our family and of course, I do too. But the bigger question is, do I want that more than spending time as a family? In my opinion life is too short to not enjoy it. It can all end tomorrow or next week. I want us to be able to savor every second we can have together. The rest of the stuff we want to do or buy will all figure itself out. Yes, it isn't easy. And, yes, more than likely we will have to do without. And, I've come to the conclusion I am okay with that. Before we know it, Ian and Samantha will be in school full-time and I'll be able to get a job during school hours. I feel like there is plenty of time for us to catch up and get the new car, start taking vacations other than visiting family in FL, re-do our floors, etc.
It's not easy being a grown up. And right now I think I need to go put on a sweater.
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