A friend for all seasons

I am a big believer that people come in and out of your life for different reasons. The purpose of their presence and the effect they have on you may never come to light, but it happened for a reason and then it has served its purpose. Or, maybe it was you that was supposed to have an impact on them somehow. And, then it is time to move on and cultivate new friendships and acquaintances for another season.

I categorize these time periods as seasons in my life. For example, our neighbors across the street. We help each other out and will be the first to lend a hand if they so require. There are some neighbors that we are naturally closer to than others. But, if we or them move, there is really very little reason to keep the connection going.

Another example is the mommy friends I have made once Ian was born. We seem to collect these friends (usually all SAHMs with kids Ian's age and now younger siblings that are Sam's age) left and right and find more every time we leave the house. It is a natural thing for us to get together and see each other constantly. But once both kids are in school full-time and have started making their own set of friends, without me involved, there is very little reason to keep in touch with all these moms and their kids. It will happen slowly, but before you know it, everyone has moved on and the frequency of our playdates will be less and less.

And of course, you can still run into these people out at various places or maybe even other friend's houses, and be cordial and exchange pleasantries, but you will never be close like you once were.

I am totally okay with this and think more and more people need to realize this is the way of life and embrace it. There is one big exception to this seasonal friendship theory I have. There are going to be a handful of friends you make, that no matter what the circumstances are that brought you two together, you will never leave each other's life. If you have five of these type of friendships, you should consider yourself blessed. I feel so fortunate to have a couple of these friendships from growing up in Orlando, one from college, a few post college (the girls), and now two of my mommy friends. We don't have to talk every day or even monthly, but I know that I can pick up the phone or send an email and it isn't awkward to try to catch-up. There will always be a special connection that is mutual and goes beyond the 'season' or reason we were first introduced.

When the separation begins, I am usually not caught by surprise and realize this is just a natural evolution of life. It would be impossible to stay active with everyone you become friends with. For a couple of years now I had thought I lost a really good friend and couldn't understand why it ended like it did. I was incredibly disappointed and hurt. I inquired with many people who knew this person trying to make sense of the situation. I emailed, called, sent handwritten notes/cards and never got a response. I was just getting more and more hurt every time my effort at communicating went unanswered. I had to let it go because it was eating me up.

Through the beauty of Facebook, my missing friend reached out to me. I am happy to say we've reconnected and I can now understand the disappearance. I wish my friend well and would've loved to have been there and provided support this person so badly needed. July was an already packed month, so we are going to try to get together in August. My friend asked that I bring both kids as it has been before I was even pregnant with Sam that we last spoke.

I feel like I have closure now and can sleep a little better at night knowing that this particular friendship has stood the test of time and crisis and will hopefully continue to flourish.