One of the things that my husband and I agreed to when figuring out what cuts we'd make when I gave up my career to stay at home with the kids was the cleaning lady. Carol came like clock work every 2 weeks and with the blink of an eye, the house would be clean. It was delightful and something that if you can afford it, I'd highly recommend. Well worth every penny.
I feel so fortunate that I married a man who sees himself as my partner in everything; child-rearing, cooking, laundry, and cleaning. Just because I have the opportunity to be home during the weekday, he doesn't expect every little bit of down-time throughout my day to be used trying to keep up with the housework. Also, Jeff is the first one to jump in and start cleaning if he sees something that requires it. If he sees me vaccuming, he'll ask what's the next thing that he can get started on. Yes, I married well. Very well.
HOWEVER, my husband is fast. Too fast sometimes when it comes to cleaning. He'll breeze through 2.5 bathrooms and I'll still be vacumming the same floor of our house. I'll ask him if he used this cleaning product specific for the toilet; he'll say yes. Did you use this different one on the bathtubs and again, it will be yes. Did you get the sink? The floors? The mirror? Yes, yes, yes.
I wish I could go in to these bathrooms after he's cleaned them with one eye closed. I know spots that need extra attention. We have a 4 year old boy that doesn't always have the best aim. And I know exactly where my long hair gathers on the floor by the cabinet when I go to brush it each morning.
When pointing out these overlooked areas, sparks fly. Jeff feels I am doing it in the most insulting and condescending way (his words). It is like 4th of July at our house. We've never had a problem communicating and this is taking the conversation to a whole new level.
I have to ask myself; do I want to point out the shortfalls or just embrace the idea that my husband is so willingly ready to jump in and do half the housework? If only the result could look like something I did. I have a feeling that if I don't start biting my tongue (and of course, stop writing about it), I'll have no choice but to have it look like something I did. So my question has been answered by me and enough said.
Can an old, married lady give you some unsolicited advice? (yes, that'd be me -- I've been married for 17 years - that should count for something :-) )
ReplyDeleteI think you've figured this out already, but keep your lip zipped and move on. You have a spouse (who sounds wonderful, really!) who shares the workload on several levels without having to be asked. That is unheard of in a lot of marriages.
It's not that you have to fall at his feet and be grateful (it's his house too, of course!); it's the "nagging" that makes him angry. (even if you don't see it as nagging, he does in all likelihood)
He's never going to do the cleaning as thoroughly as you (or your former cleaning lady). And so what? It's not perfect. OK.
You can touch-up the cleaning if it REALLY bothers you, but my honest suggestion is to just forget about it.
If you decide re-do his work, do NOT tell him you are doing this (b/c then you make yourself out as a martyr), and do not let him see you doing it either, b/c that's the surest way for him to STOP doing housework altogether. (i.e., if you are going to re-do his work, then why in the world would he do it at all to start with).
Like I said, unsolicited advice, I know, but move along ...
Ah Rebecca, you are so wise! Thanks so much for the advice. Much appreciated and your right, no need to bring any of this to his attention. Love your words of wisdom. Thanks!
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