The longest two hours of my life

I didn't actually break down and start crying until I saw my mom at the gate (she and Jim got a gate pass to assist me once off the plane). Then with a big sigh of relief that the worst was over, I shed a few tears and was thankful that help was available.

Getting on the plane proved a little challenging and I am sure this is when I started making friends left and right. I had a convertible car seat strapped to my back, the duo-sized Skip Hop diaper bag (so filled with stuff it wouldn't zip), carrying Samantha and helping Ian with his rolling backpack going down the aisle to row 17. I barely fit width wise and was bumping into seated passengers trying to pass by them. Of course I apologized, but the head shaking thing from passengers had started already. Where was the love?

Once we got to our row, all was seemingly going well. Ian was very excited to be at the window seat and Sam was quietly sitting in her car seat, strapped in the middle seat. As we were taking off I gave Sam her bottle and she was doing great drinking it. Ian got the thumbs up from me to turn on the iPod Touch and start watching "Cars" the movie. It was a peaceful 5 minutes and I felt like I could conquer the world.

Then Sam finished her bottle and I started pulling out some new toys for her to play with. They were getting promptly tossed in Ian's direction. Ian was getting agitated by the flying toys and would pick them up and throw them back at her. I did my best to put a stop to this and decided to give her some snacks.

Somewhere during the first 25 minutes of the 2 hour flight, Sam mastered the ability to shove a handful of goldfish in her mouth while continuing her shrieking of delight at full volume. Oh, and simultaneously wave the baggie of goldfish (something she didn't do before) all over the place and have them fly in every direction. It wasn't pretty, but at least Ian calmed down from not having toys thrown at him.

At this point I am pulling out all the tricks in my bag trying to find something to entertain Sam. She kept putting her arms out for me to unstrap her from the car seat and hold her. Her moaning had kicked in and she meant business. So, I figured it would be harmless and I could have her sit on my lap for a little. Now the flight attendants are offering drinks and Ian said he'd like orange juice. I told them to not fill it up all the way. It wasn't on his tray for 2 minutes before the whole thing spilled in his lap. UGH! Samantha at this point is like a monkey climbing all over me; she is way past tired and wants to be off the plane. Ian is crying and screaming that he is all wet and needs his back-up clothing on pronto. I can't even reach Ian to help him as he is a plane seat away and the car seat is taking up any available space for me to reach over. Sam has now chosen to take her whining/moaning to a new octave and really let people know she is not a happy camper.

I tell Ian his clothes are in his backpack (on the floor of his seat) and to get them and we will go to the bathroom to put them on. Before I can even finish the sentence, Ian is 100% naked and screaming that he can't find his clean, dry clothes. He is also very upset that his seat is soaking wet in orange juice. Oh yeah, the guy in front of him chooses this exact moment to recline his seat. WTF?!?!!? I looked at him and said you are now crushing my son (who is still completely naked by the way) and could you please put your seat back upright. Fortunately he complied.

I talk Ian down from the ledge and convince him he can put his clothes on himself. I am still wrestling with Samantha and her noise level is just getting higher, so I bring out the cheerios.

I then need to figure out what to do with Ian's wet seat (the flight attendants saw the whole scene go down and did NOTHING to help. N O T H I N G. I decide to take Sam's car seat and move her to the window seat. It's not like she is sitting in it anyway. Ian throws a mini fit because he doesn't want the middle seat, he just wants a dry window seat. OMG! It is a full flight people....there is no relocating to another row!!

Finally, I get Ian happy again and his movie back on the iPod Touch. Sam is now grabbing everything on Ian (his headphones, the tray, the wire to the iPod, etc.). Ian is back to complaining and causing a scene.

We start our descent and I throw Sam back in the car seat by the window. I strap her in and give her the 2nd bottle I had ready for this moment. She is very happy and now has had 16 oz of milk in less than 2 hours. And in between the 2 bottles was non-stop snacking. I still can't believe the girl could shriek as loud as she did with a mouthful of cheerios and/or goldfish.

We land. Everywhere I look passengers are shaking their heads at me. I did witness some during the flight holding their head in their hands in disgust. The bell rings that is okay to stand. It is then I and everyone else notices that a family with 2 young boys (both younger than Ian - but not twins) were sitting 2 rows in front of us. No one heard a peep out of them, at all. Of course they didn't hear them, we were making so much noise to mask any anyone else was making. The guy across the aisle sees this perfect family and says loudly, "Wow, you should get a gold medal. Your boys were perfect. They should let you off the plane first."

We pack up all the crap, which at this point was strewn in every direction and covered with a layer of orange juice now. The best was the underwear sitting at the top of the pile. Make our way off the plane and realize that no matter how far ahead Ian gets in front of me getting off the plane, I know in my heart, no one will kidnap him.

Previously flying with Ian proved to be nightmarish, but this was a whole new level of hell for me flying with 2. I am done. I have to get back to NoVa in 10 days, but after that I refuse to do this again. We will now be at home for the Winter break. I need to wait a year or two before I attempt this again on our own. Or else, it just won't be the plane boarding, it will also be the Betty Ford Clinic.