Heartbroken

I had a different post scheduled to publish today.  But right now, it seems awfully trivial and incredibly unimportant.  So I am writing something on the fly in the hopes it helps me a little come to terms with how horrific our world can be at times.

As a mom of two young kids, I can't even begin to imagine what these parents in Newtown, CT are going through.  20 kids, between the ages of 5 to 10 years old, gone.  It's beyond comprehension how someone can be so evil and take the lives of innocent children.  A senseless act of violence. 

You send your kids to school and think, they'll be safe there.  It's a place for them to learn and grow and socialize.  A place for them to be happy.  School shouldn't be a place you drop your kids off at and hope that you will see them again at the end of the day.  It shouldn't be a place that kids have to practice what it means to be in lockdown mode.  Or, a place where teachers are keeping one ear out in the hallway listening for gunshots. 

What has become of our world that mass shootings are starting to become all too frequent?  That some maniac is allowed to go into a mall, movie theatre, college, elementary school and take innocent lives?  It makes me want to stay in my house, with my two kids and husband and never, ever leave.  Is there really something out there that is more important than risking the lives of your children, yourself or your loved ones to do, see, or buy?  I don't think so.

It is breaking my heart that 28 families today in Newtown, CT lives are upside down.  A piece of them has died and will never come back.  My heart goes out for them.  I am having a hard time enjoying my simple day, going through the regular routine, knowing that theirs is anything but the ordinary day they thought they'd have.

It's just not right.  As a society we have to do something.  I know that gun control is the hot topic, but I feel like it isn't enough.  This lunatic got the guns from his mother.   Guns are still out there, and can be obtained illegally.  So what do we do? 

Last night, Sam was having a major meltdown leaving our friend's house.  Ian was invited to stay over for a sleepover as we were walking out the door.  Without hesitation, I said Ian could spend the night.  Sam screamed, at the top of her lungs, the entire way home.  Jeff said, when we get home, I'll put Sam down.  I said, please don't get upset with her.  I went into Sam's room, and just crawled in bed with her.  This is something I've never done before.  She instantly got quiet and looked at me and said, "How long are you going to stay here?".  I said, I didn't know.  After about 15 minutes, Sam was almost asleep.  I got into my own bed and started missing Ian something fierce.  Maybe I shouldn't have let him sleepover.  I just wanted him home, in his own bed.  Where I could check on my kids, every hour through the night and know that for one more day they are with me, where they should be.

It can be a cruel, cruel world out there.  Yesterday we were reminded just how cruel it can be.