The other day, I had picked Sam up from school and we were headed home. During the drive, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Sam smiling. She was happy, just sitting there in her seat, listening to the radio, with a smile on her face. It was a beautiful thing and took my breath away. Not to be so dramatic over this simple gesture, but I can't remember this ever happening.
For so long I've been walking around on egg shells and doing my best to not piss her off. It seemed like Sam was in a continually bad mood and every little thing set her off...some times it would be over absolutely nothing. She was quick to anger, get intensely angry and lose all sense of reason. Her temper tantrums and meltdowns would go on for a crazy amount of time and there was very little you could do to get her to calm down. This was multiple times a day, every day. Fortunately, it was just with Jeff and me, but that meant this negative energy would have time to build up and explode when she was with us.
You don't realize what hell you've been accustomed to living in until you see the sun shining brightly and can breathe normal again. I've found that when stressed, I'll unconsciously hold my breath in. This has been going on for so long (we are approaching one year), that is was difficult to see the trees through the forrest. I knew there was a big problem with Sam and it took everything I had to get these appointments made with all these doctors and wait our turn to be seen. If anyone is thinking of changing careers, become a pediatric speciality in anything and you will have a line out your door a mile long waiting to get in.
For the past several weeks, Sam has been spending a large amount of time at various doctors and therapy trying to get to the bottom of it all. It turns out that not pooping (she recently made it a full 18 day stretch without fully going) can really wreak havoc with your temperament. We are not sure why Sam has this psychological need to hold in her poop (that's for the therapist to figure out and work on), but the pediatric GI doctor has us on a regimen to get her cleaned-out and going regularly. In fact, we are intentionally inducing diarrhea (think oatmeal consistency) to happen every day for the next several months. The goal is to get her so far removed from having to push out a bowel movement that she forgets about holding it in. Of course Sam is back to wearing pull-ups and will be for quite some time, but this is for the best. I am sure Target is missing the weekly sale of 20 pairs of girls underwear each week that I was purchasing, because of all the overflow soiling previously going on.
We are not out of the woods yet. We are in the middle of a series of appointments with a pediatric developmental pediatrician who will look at both the medical and behavioral issues and give us the full picture. I have to admit it is a big relief to be moving in the right direction. It will be up to a year (according to the GI doctor) before the pooping can get to normal, but I am so excited to be seeing a little progress. Seriously, it is a night and day difference with her temperament and disposition.
I am enjoying being around Sam. She is delightful. We are having fun together. The diarrhea daily (some times up to 3 times a day) I will gladly embrace and clean-up if it means I am around someone who is human. And not around someone who is constantly cranky, irritable, quick to anger, and fly off the handle. I guess you would be too if you only went poop every 12 to 18 days.
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