Heartbroken.

I woke up on Saturday morning at 6:30am.  A text had come to my phone at 6:17am alerting me to the fact that my friend's mom passed away the night before.  I wished I could be instantly transported to another city.  I never before so badly wanted to be anywhere but where I was.  Without hesitation, I didn't care what we had planned for our weekend; I was going to be on the next flight to Orlando.   This is a feeling that I've never experienced before.  

I've always had plenty of time to plan my trips to Florida before.  Even when I went for 10 days to be with my mom when she had her triple by-pass surgery, I had a few week's notice and was able to plan out my arrival and departure.  This was different.  

My friend Amanda and I have known each other since we were 5 years old.  Our families have a long history together.  Unfortunately, Amanda's father passed away on the same exact day I gave birth to Ian, 10 years ago.  It takes a special person to wish you congratulations on the birth of your first child (she was the very first one to call me) and not mention that her dad died just minutes before.  She didn't want to take away my joy.  I only heard about the timing of her father passing thru my own dad.  Wow.  I wasn't able to be there for her then, I was surely going to be there for her now.  

I quickly told my boss at the preschool why I wouldn't be able to go to work on Monday and Tuesday.  My boss said it was wonderful I could be there for my friend.  My reply was, it wasn't optional in my opinion.  I knew where I needed to be.   You can easily show up for the good stuff, it's the times when you show up for the crappy stuff in life that counts.  

I am heartbroken for my friend.  To say Amanda was close with her mom is like saying Siamese twins have a bond.  It's going to take some time for her to get used to this "new normal".  Ugh.

In the Jewish religion, it is custom to have the funeral within 24 hours of the person passing.  Due to people having to travel from Israel, the service was moved to Tuesday.  I was able to get a 9:00pm flight back to D.C. on Tuesday night.  It gave me plenty of time to attend the funeral and do a Shiva call before heading to the airport.  It made for a very long day, but it didn't matter to me how tired I would be getting home at 12:00am.  I was able to be where I felt I should be.   

There are not many people (other than family) I would drop everything I was doing, without even giving it a second thought, and change my world upside down to be with them.  Amanda is one of the few.  

I was home for 4 days.  It had been too long since my last visit when Jeff, the kids and I was there for Thanksgiving.  While I hated the reason for being in town, I cherished the time I got to spend with my sister and her family and my parents.  I've told my parents I am going to start infusing formaldehyde in their veins to preserve them.  It totally sucks to see them aging.  My friend's mom's passing hits way too close to home.  

Last, but not least, I can not write this blog and fail to mention my husband.  He is my rock and never-ending source of support.  As soon as I read him the text, early this past Saturday morning, before I could even say it, he said, "You've got to go."   With no notice, he rearranged his life for the 4 days I was gone and took over being the mom and dad to Ian & Sam.  Furthermore, about 6 hours after I left, Sam developed a fever and was home for the next 3 days.  Two days of missed school, a trip to the pediatrician and generally holding down the fort.   To say I married well is an understatement.  

The best was when he gave me a stern lecture on how I need to hold it together for Amanda. "This isn't about you."... I should be strong and not cry in front of her.    Yes, right....whatever.  I made it all of 10 minutes and then lost it.  As I was losing it, I was telling Amanda what Jeff told me.  Then I started laughing because I am sure whatever Jeff was imagining, I was much, much worse in reality.   Ugh.  

On Monday, I spent from 9:30am to 6:30pm with my friend helping her get everything ready for the service the next day.  It was a very crappy reason on why I was spending the day with her, but she appreciated me being there.  And for those 9 hours there was no where else I wanted to be.  Sometimes life sucks.  

Funeral

I left the house on Wednesday, March 13^th at 5:20am (woke up at 4:30am).  I took the train from Union Station to Philadelphia, changed trains and arrived in Cherry Hill, NJ by 9:30am.  Approx. 8 hours later, I did the same trip back home and walked in my front door at 10:00pm.

I was not playing the role of a Mom, wife, or best girlfriend this day.  I was simply a relative on my way to celebrate the life of a wonderful Great Aunt.  My Aunt Connie.

Aunt Connie died, somewhat unexpectedly two Sundays ago.  This is a relative on my mom’s side of the family.  She was not only “great” but also one of my Great Aunt’s.  Considering my grandmother was one of 5 children, I have a nice extended family. 

My mom was unable to fly in and attend the funeral.  I went and represented the Florida branch of the family tree (my mom, sister, and dad).   It’s wasn’t a traditional funeral…there was no body (she was cremated the day before), there was no gravesite, and all religion had been taken out of the memorial.  What it was, was incredibly touching and a beautiful remembrance of an amazing woman.  Listening to her children and grandchildren speak was emotional.  I am always amazed how anyone can speak at a funeral and keep it together.  I just needed to look at one of the immediate family members and I start tearing up and choking back the tears. 

After the memorial service, there was a luncheon at a nearby restaurant.  Eating and drinking is where my family excels!  There were about 75 to 80 of us in attendance and the atmosphere was lively, with the laughs (and drinks!) flowing. 

Gosh, I love my family.  It was sad the reason we were brought together, but I enjoy being around my family so much. 

It’s funny that going to a funeral can be seen as a vacation day.  But it was nice to step away from all the responsibilities I usually have on a Wednesday and just be with my family.