End of the Year Wrap Up: 2019 Edition

Oy!  I am not sure this blog is going to continue much longer or even past this End of the Year Wrap up.  Over the past several months, I'll have the idea to write about this or that, something or other the kids are going thru.  But before I know it, it has become a fleeting thought and my attention has been diverted to something else.

This blog was key to me surviving my kids' early years.  Motherhood is not for the faint of heart and mostly being a stay-at-home mom pushed me to the brink of insanity some days.  Having this medium as an outlet was therapeutic.  I was able to let it all out, move on and start with a clean slate the very next day, or sometimes the very next hour.  I believe journaling the good, the bad, and the ugly is how I survived and didn't run away.  Don't get me wrong, not every day was rough, but there were definitely some trying times. Let's be honest, these years become a blur and having it all written gives me a opportunity to see how far we've come and remember the fun, silly days, as well as the challenging ones.  Each phase comes and goes for good and bad; it's nice to go back and relive it from a distance, through my words.

Ian and Samantha have grown into these awesome people.  I am so proud of them!  And I love them more than I ever thought humanly possible. I get how parents can be helicopter parents or my new favorite term, lawn mower parenting (parents who try to remove and smooth obstacles).  I will do anything to keep Ian and Samantha from feeling defeated or have their feelings hurt.  I want so much for them to never know how cruel life can be or how mean-spirited people can get. Every day should be their best ever!  Have all these amazing experiences and go through life with rose colored glasses.  I fully realize how unrealistic this is and my job as a parent is to make sure they are prepared and can handle disappointment and failure.

There was a time, I'd go to bed at night, review my day in my head, and feel like the worst mother in the world.  Somewhere over the years, that mentality has shifted and I think this parenting gig is working out.  All the time invested, energy given, and hand holding has been worth it.  I find myself turning to writing this blog to vent and 'get it all out' less and less over the months.  Ian and Samantha are truly what I hoped and dreamed of when becoming a mother.  Their judgement is solid, they are empathetic, courageous, and go after what they want.  They are polite, conscientious, and very witty.  I love their sense of humor.  I no longer view time off from school as our 'dark period'.  I actually really enjoy planning activities the 3 of us will enjoy doing and getting to live these experiences through their eyes. They are always up for an adventure and will try anything once.  Can you ask for anything more?  I think not.

As I look back at 2019, I am content. Wow, what a great word to summarize how I feel.  Sure, there are so many things we need -- updates and renovations to the house, money to travel, money to put towards college savings, a new Acura MDX would be nice (Ha!), but none of that is a necessity.  Everything we truly need we have and then some.  We are in good health, have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and our kids are happy, caring, independent little people.  I have a blessed life and recognize how fortunate we are.


Travel this year:

January:  Robyn and Samantha in Orlando for 4 days
March:  Ian attends Ramah reunion in Palmer, Mass for 3 days
April:  Ian visits Max in PA for 4 days
April:  Spring Break in NYC for 3 days
June:  Robyn and Ian - theatre trip to NYC for 2 days
June:  Robyn in Orlando for 3 days
July:  Ian and Samantha in Orlando for 11 days
July:  Week at the beach, OC, NJ
July-August: Ian and Samantha at Camp Ramah for 4 weeks
July:  Robyn in MA and RI for 2 days
November:  Week in Orlando for Thanksgiving
December:  Weekend in NJ for family Hanukkah party
December:  Ian in NYC for 4 days


The biggest change in this past year has been Ian's activities.  He now takes anywhere from 4.5 hours to 6 hours of dance classes each week.  Boys Ballet, Broadway Tap, Musical Theatre, Partnering Ballet, or drop-in tap class keeps him (and us driving him) going back and forth multiple times a week to dance.  He has realized how important it is to know how to dance if he wants to make it in theatre.  It's fun to see him master a new step that has been giving him difficulty and then doing that step all the time at home. Or, when he gets in the car after picking him up and he chatters on non-stop about how well he just did.   Add the two plays Ian was performing in and it made for a very busy Fall.  Ian absolutely adores camp and wants to go for the whole summer. Oh my!  I can't even imagine him being gone for 8 weeks.  We have him registered and will try to make this a reality.  But oy, is it expensive!

Ian has taken the concept of going after what he wants to heart.  He wanted to do stand-up and found a way to make it happen at a local restaurant/bar.  He did a great job and plans to expand his routine and keep at it, performing at local places.  He has been writing scripts for short films and is circulating it around for feedback.  I read this latest one and I have to say, it's pretty darn good.  I love how focused Ian has become on his goals and has a plan to make it happen.  Ian ultimately wants to be hired to be on Saturday Night Live, and said to me the other day, "I hope I don't get too well known before getting to NY because you have to be an unknown to do SNL."   Um yeah, somehow I don't think this should be a concern.  Really, would getting discovered earlier than expected be a bad thing?  Ian needs to worry about other things.

Oh and there is that little matter of Ian auditioning for a short film and getting the part.  Last June Ian played Elliot, a blind, gay, Jewish middle schooler.  The short film will finish production by the end of December and be entered in film festivals around the country.  This was a very surreal experience and still a bit in awe of how it all came to be.  Ian's first paid acting gig!

Samantha is doing so much better at school. Her teacher for 6th grade is a dream come true and it makes going to school that much easier.  We've enlisted the help of a reading specialist and the progress Sam has made is fantastic.  She still enjoys horseback riding the most and is happy to do just this one activity.  Samantha loves camp and will go for 1 session this Summer.  She has yet to discover wanting to wear name brand clothing, or spend hours doing her hair.  I am just waiting for that to happen next year at middle school.   Sam is very happy wearing the same 4 purple t-shirts and black leggings.  She has a closet full of clothes and they just hang there, looking unloved.

Jeff's cooking and baking has soared to new heights.  He now has a kitchen aid mixer, a micro plane,  and other baking/cooking tools he felt necessary to help him achieve greatness. Jeff has a running list of baked goods he wants to make.  He most recently made blueberry and lemon scones with fresh clotted cream.  It's been fun to see him enjoy his new hobby.

I am still really enjoying my job at the preschool and this year added in Fridays too.  I am now there 5 days a week, for 3 hours a day.  As great as it is and as much as I enjoy it, I think its time to find a full-time job, starting in June.  Samantha will be out of elementary school and will be attending the same school as Ian.  Her hours for school starting will be much earlier and I'll be able to get to an office at a reasonable time. I have no idea what I want to do, but am keeping an open mind and going for it.  It's a little overwhelming to me the changes that will be occurring in our household, but I feel this is a necessary step. I am hoping that by starting in the summer, I will have a chance to get used to our new normal and by the time school starts, it won't be as hard of a transition.


The year ahead in 2020:

As we head in to 2020, here is something I NEVER thought I would write.  I am currently happy with my weight and the progress I have made towards losing.  For the first time in several years (too many to count), I've got a new attitude towards eating and feel this sense of control I didn't know I was capable of.  I am constantly faced with temptations, but after one bite, I am satisfied.  Or, maybe I don't even want that one bite. Wow, right?  Since October 1st, I've lost 21 pounds and I am finally seeing a difference now.  This is the best feeling. I wake up in the morning not scared to get on the scale, knowing I've done the best I could do the day before.  Maybe the number doesn't always go down, and shoots way up from time to time, but overall it is trending in the right direction.  I am following the weight watchers plan and know that I can incorporate this well into the future.  Don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect, but my head is in the game and its been a long time since I can say that.  Here is where the word "content" comes in to play once again.  :)

I want to find a full-time job that still gives me flexibility, so if I need a day off or a few extra hours to be with the kids, I can.  I am not sure what kind of job this will be, but that is my goal. Something with the hours 8:30am to 4:30pm, 10 minutes from my house would be awesome!  Maybe if I close my eyes real tight and wish & wish with all my might, it could happen.

I am so excited for Samantha to be graduating elementary school this year.  She now has braces on her teeth and looks like a real teenager.  Her growth this past year has been measurable.  She is tall, confident, and so lovely.  And I think she is finally appreciating me and all I do; at least I hope so.  :)

I'm head over heels in love with Jeff and how we operate as a team.  He has my back and I have his.  I never feel like I am in this parenting thing alone and appreciate all the support he continually gives. I've said it before and I'll say it again.  You can fall in love with the guy, but you won't know how he'll turn out to be a father until you are way thick in the weeds.  And that's where we are...deep in the weeds.  Jeff is the most amazing father.  One of his best qualities is that when he leaves the office, work gets left behind and he is 100% present being with the family.  I am not sure what this has to do with "The year ahead in 2020" but I do know we both appreciate how far our kids have come and what an honor it is to be their parents.  So maybe 2020 is that parenting is getting to be more rewarding after all the that we've been through to get to this point.


My New Year's Wish:

I wish for kindness.  Kindness to our selves, kindness to friends and family, and kindness to strangers.  If everyone made an effort to be kind, instead of being mean, full of judgement, selfish, or uncompassionate, think how much better the world would be.  We are all more alike than different.  May 2020 give us endless energy, better sleep, and the ability to make the better choice.  Happy New Year!

Tales from the crypt: Crazy man no more

I found out some sad news this past week.  The Crazy Man has passed away.  He died of heart failure due to pneumonia.  Towards the end, his mental state had decreased greatly and he was having problems coping.  He had been hospitalized for suicidal tendencies and was not able to get transferred out of the psych ward until he met certain goals.  And he kept failing to meet those goals.

About 6 months ago, it was determined he could no longer live on his own and would need 24/7 care.  I think it was losing this independence that was the final straw.  He always told me that once he could no longer live like a rock star, at the top of his game, he'd want to end his life and be done.

It's sad to see this is how The Crazy Man's story ends.  He went from being so full of life to no life at all.  He alienated almost everyone around him, including those who said they would stand by him and changed their mind when the going got really tough.  It was his neighbor in the end that helped him the most and got his affairs in order.

Over the past 2 years, I'd hear from The Crazy Man from time to time.  He'd ask me my advice on something or a question to where some paper, file, company, phone number, etc., was located.  I'd help him as best as I could, but I could tell his mind was going and it was harder for him to form coherent sentences.  He was a big fan of Ian's and would call just to ask what he was up to and if there was a performance he could come check out.  He never actually did see Ian act, but The Crazy Man was certain that Ian is headed for greatness.

Working for The Crazy Man was definitely one of the more interesting things to happen to me. I never failed to have a funny or outlandish story at the ready, whenever anyone asked me what he was up to.  I could entertain friends and family for hours with all his antics.  He lived life to the absolute fullest, never was one to take 'no' for answer, and always had a plan for how to find some loop hole or back way in to make his latest big idea a reality.  The Crazy Man was the true definition of what it meant to have chutzpah (definition: extreme self-confidence or audacity).

Rest in peace Crazy Man, and go easy on the Big Guy. I am sure he has got your number and knows all the tricks you are up to.  ;)