Feeling like Spiderman

Since September I've been working out with this great group of women.  It's boot camp style workouts and I go to the 5:30am classes, 3 times a week.  It's a wonderful environment and I'm continually pushed beyond my comfort zone to do more than I imagined was possible.  I love the feeling of being inspired, empowered, and stronger when I leave the class.  Heck, it's only 6:30am at this point and I still have the whole day ahead of me!

On Wednesday's class we did box jumps as part of our workout.  Out came this pretty big box.  We normally do the box jumps on the regular step-ups.  You can see them in the video.  This new box just made these jumps a lot higher.  OMG!  I had to give it a try and see if I could do it.  And I could!!  It was awesome.  Karen and I traded off doing the jumps on the box in each of our sets. I was able to keep her pace the entire time!  4 rounds of 40 seconds, plus 2 rounds of 20 seconds.  What an amazing feeling to be able to accomplish this.

I left the gym feeling like I was on top of the world!  Doing something for me, that makes me healthier, stronger, and a bit more bad-ass is a pretty powerful way to start the day.

Disgusted.

I don't think a little pill is going to be invented in time.  You know the one that lets you eat whatever you want, and you still lose weight.  And I have completely given up on having a thyroid problem; despite telling EVERY doctor I see that it is a well-hidden thyroid issue and not easily detected with a blood test.   Even my friend Heather will send my articles from time to time about how thyroid issues can be related to Celiac and/or not easy to diagnose.  You got to love a best friend who does what she can to support you.  :)

I've given up hope and hit rock bottom.  I have become so disgusted with myself that I am ready to take some serious steps to change this body.  I am so tired of clothes not fitting like they used to and having to buy bigger sizes every time a new season comes.  I am so tired of not having endless amounts of energy like I used to.  

Obviously, the weight loss hypnosis is not cutting it.  I am tired of having success with Weight Watchers and then falling off the wagon and going back to the same old ways.  As my therapist says, I can’t go back to what I had been doing and I need to figure out what is holding me back.  There has got to be something. 

Meanwhile, I am challenging myself with something new.  I am working with a personal trainer.  For at least the next 3 weeks, I’ll meet with this guy named “Bailey” and see if I am able to get my mojo back in going to the gym.  A great workout, first thing in the morning (5:00am, baby!) always puts a little bounce in my step for the rest of the day.  It has an added bonus of making me very conscious of what I am eating that day.  I’d hate to mess up the hard work done that morning with poor food choices.

During my first workout with Bailey (do I tell him I used to have a dog named Bailey?!?!?), after the first 10 minutes, I felt like I was going to throw-up or pass out and needed a 10 minute breather.  Feeling nausea and looking for the closest place I could run to and puke was not a great way to start off our relationship.  Fortunately, the color returned in my face and I could stand again without feeling like I was going to fall over.  So not fun.  Bailey took it a little easier on me after that for the rest of the hour.  Gee, I wonder why?!??!

I will explore this path and see where it goes. I hate this struggle with my weight I’ve had my whole life. I don’t want to be super skinny, just healthy and to feel good about myself. I feel like everything else is finally clicking – Samantha pooping and peeing now like a normal person, working my part-time jobs and bringing in a little bit of money, getting to do the trips to FL with the kids, etc. So, why, oh why can’t this click? WHY can’t I get my act together and lose weight and keep it off?

Couch potato label up for grabs

According to Wikipedia: A couch potato is a person who spends most of his or her free time sitting or lying on a couch. This stereotype often refers to a lazy and overweight person who watches a lot of television. Generally speaking, the term refers to a lifestyle in which children or adults don't get enough physical activity.

I can fully admit, I was a former couch potato. I embraced the idea of popping a HUGE bowl of popcorn and getting comfy on the couch watching hours upon hours of tv. If you didn't find me at the movies (usually doing a double or even a triple feature), then you could count on me to answer the phone if it rang at home. Being a couch potato was my thing and I was more than okay with that.

Something miraculous happened over the past couple of years. It started very slowly and incredibly subtle, but a change has metamorphosed within me. I am now an athlete. Yes, you read correctly, I used the term "athlete". It is surprising to even me. I didn't fully realize the change that occurred until the other day.

As most are aware by reading earlier posts of my blog, I put myself back on my to-do list and this involved getting to the gym on a more consistent basis. Since early April I had been going every morning at 5:15am and working out. It became habit and I usually went through the motions of waking up, getting dressed and driving to the gym on autopilot. Over the weekend, my husband expressed interest in getting on the fitness bandwagon and going consistently too. If he goes in the evening he has a hard time falling asleep before 1:00am. I've got a lot more flexibility in my day and offered him the 5:00am time slot to work-out. This is our first week of trying the new arrangement. On Monday I woke up incredibly grumpy and stayed that way throughout the day. It wasn't until I made it to the gym at 7:30pm that night that I could fully realize what I was so badly missing. My body has started to crave the exercise. The benefits I am getting by going to the gym has become more than a great way to continue my weight-loss efforts, it is also providing big-time benefits to my mental well-being.

I am finding great satisfaction in pushing myself and seeing what I am capable of. You don't know what is possible until you reach impossible. And I am finding that there is very little that is not possible. I am inspired beyond my wildest dreams to keep going.

For 43 weeks now I've been doing Weight Watchers. Having lost 40.2 lbs so far, I know I am doing well and will keep going until I eventually get to my goal weight (16 lbs more to go). But the changes I am seeing in my body is phenomenal and goes beyond a number on the scale. I've never been a vain person before, but now I have problems walking by a mirror without stopping to admire the new me. Things have gotten tighter, firmer and even my 'skinny' clothes are getting baggy. It is a great feeling. It's taken a long time to get to this point, but I think I am finally understanding the transformation that has taken place.

I've not only changed the physical aspects of myself, but the mental too. I am now one of those people who needs to work out regularly and be active. I've always been known for picking the movie/meal combo for my birthday activity with the girls. Tomorrow we are going to a indoor rock climbing gym in Alexandria. I am so excited about trying a different type of exercise and pushing those limits even more of what I think I can do.

So without further ado, I hereby declare I am no longer a couch potato.