End of the year wrap-up - 2012 Edition

DUDE!!  2012 flew by!  While it seems like there were days that felt they would never end and plenty of nights where Sam being awake from 2:00am to 5:00am for no apparent reason felt like an eternity, overall the year moved quicker than speed of light to me.  We were busier than a one-armed paper hanger. 

Yes, its time again to wrap up the year and move forward to 2013.  Doesn't the number "2013" seem like such a big number? 

Without further ado, here is my yearly wrap-up.


TRAVEL IN 2012:

March - Girl's weekend for Jen's birthday in Chesapeake Beach*

May - Overnight in D.C. for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer*

June -10 days in Orlando (taking care of my mom)*; Jeff took the kids overnight to Dutch Wonderland

June -Overnight in Arlington, VA for my birthday  (surprise from Jeff)

July - Great Wolf Lodge with the whole family

July - Kids at Jeff's parents for 3 days

July - A week in Topsail, NC at the beach (me and the kids)

August - 10 days in Orlando with me and the kids; 1 1/2 weeks the kids in Orlando without me.

October - North Myrtle Beach, SC with the whole family

November - Girl's weekend in Berkeley Springs, WV*

December - Overnight in Philadelphia/Warrington, PA

*Represents trips taken solo.


It's been quite a year!  By far, the biggest thing that has happened to our Toppall team this year is that Sam is pooping on her own and regularly.  I can't possibly explain appropriately enough how much of a toll the "encompresis" was taking on me and the rest of the family.  My heart goes out to anyone who has a child suffering from it.  It got really bad, and I wasn't sure we'd ever be out of the woods, but for the last 4 months, Sam has consistently gone every day (sometimes even 2 or 3 times).  And, It's without the aid of Ex-lax!  I no longer think we need to request an IEP for Kindergarten next year and have to explain her situation to the school.  Additionally, we've stopped carrying a back-up change of clothes and 10 extra pairs of underwear/pull-ups wherever we go.  Another milestone I was sure we wouldn't see anytime soon.

Sam has shown us her love for helping out in the kitchen, whether it is making dinner, loading/unloading the dishwasher or getting her own snacks.   She enjoys baking and getting her an Easy Bake Oven proved to be a most awesome Hanukkah gift.  It is wonderfully exciting to see Sam writing her name and other words legibly. 

Ian is doing great and we've discovered that gymnastics is definitely his thing.  He not only loves doing it, but is starting to do some really cool things during his practices.  And fortunately in this past year, his reading ability is where it needs to be.  I can listen to Ian read for hours.  I love hearing from parents, teachers, and his gymnastics gym coach what a great kid he is.  It makes me feel like I am doing something right, but I can only take partial credit.  Ian is polite, charming, and hard to resist. His enthusiasm, quick wit and friendly manner is getting him many, many fans.

Jeff continues to make me laugh over a whole host of things unfortunately I can't share or write about.  We've made it another year together and I am still madly love with him.  He is my best friend.

As for me, I've become a huge disappointment to myself.  When November 20th came around and marked the 1 year anniversary of running the Philadelphia Marathon, I became depressed over what I've let happen over this past year.  My time at the gym became almost non-existent (to the point my membership, unbeknownst to me, was cancelled ALL SUMMER and I didn't even know it until October!) and my weight is back to the scary numbers I vowed I'd never see again.  I just can't seem to get it together.  I try to present a healthy image (eating well, working out, etc) to the kids.  I shudder to think what they will grow up thinking is normal watching my weight balloon up and down repeatedly.  Ugh.  I'm either obsessing over it or I am not.  There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.  At age 41, I am still trying to get it together. I am back at the bottom of the mountain facing a very big mental challenge to get back to the top or even start the climb.  This is real.  This is me.  I just want to wake up and be a size 6. Unfortunately that is not going to happen without a lot of hard work.  Frankly my mind is not there yet.  I am coming to terms that anxiety, the feeling of being perpetually overwhelmed, and running around like a chicken with its head cut off is getting the better of me.


LOOKING FORWARD TO 2013:

The biggest thing I am looking forward to this coming year?  It's our last year for paying for preschool.   We only have 5 months of payments left.  This is HUGE!  While I don't think it will instantly make us millionaires, it will help us greatly in saving money and possibly think about a new car.  You know, like in the next 3 years maybe it could actually happen.

In the Fall of 2013, I am going to have two kids at the same school, for the same amount of time.  And, the best part is, the school is located only a 1/4 mile from the house.  I can't even begin to imagine how amazing this will be, to not have to coordinate drop-offs, pick-ups and do the Monday shuffle with a minute to spare.

The other really great thing I am looking forward to are my three trips to Orlando; one with just Ian, one trip with just Sam, and one trip on my own.  Ian and I will be there at the end of January. I'm going down by myself over President's day weekend. And, I'll go with Sam at the end of March.  I was able to identify a time when one child had off from school, while the other child still had to go.  Each trip will be four days in length.  We will do things that are of interest to only them and give my family the opportunity to have some great one-on-one time with each Ian or Sam.  As my parents get older, I want to see them more frequently and have my kids spend as much time as possible.  I hope these trips will be special for them and we can continue them each year.

In 2013, I'd like our life to be more simple, but honestly I don't see how that can happen.  Maybe it needs to occur in baby steps.  I am actively working on saying "No" as much as possible when being asked to take on more than I can handle.  This is helping with not adding stress and chaos to an already busy day.  The one thing that does make life easier is that as Sam gets older, she and Ian can be signed up for similar camps and programs.  Plus, her being potty-trained is allowing her be accepted at places she wasn't previously. 

One thing I can do to make my life a little simpler is to go through an electronics withdrawal every Saturday.  For one year, I will not long onto Facebook or check email on Saturdays.  I will answer texts, but not initiate a text message.  I am very curious to see how I do with this one.  I like to keep things interesting and 24 hours of downtime might be a welcome change or it might make me realize just how out-of-control-connected I've become.

Another resolution I am going to make is to not watch "Beverly Hills 90210" (the original series) reruns for the entire year.  I have to agree with Jeff on this one and bypass the channel if I see the show is on.  Did you know the show will have been OFF the air for 13 years?  Yes, its time to say good-bye to Brenda, Dylan, Brandon, Kelly, David, Steve, Donna and Andrea.  Oh, and I can't forget Valerie, who gave the show a breath of fresh air when she came on and moved into Brenda's bedroom.

I'd love to write a resolution about getting back in shape, making healthy eating choices, and overall feeling better about myself, but I hate the idea of succeeding and then failing all over again.  Its much easier to stay a failure, right?  Yeah, I know, I am probably depressing you too with this.  Don't worry, my plan in 2013 is to figure this out and mentally come to terms with what needs to change so that I am not back in this position all over again in the future.  Until then, pass the fries to me, please.

My last resolution is it would be nice if we did a trip to the beach over the summer and went with a few other families.  I think it would be so much fun for the kids.  I feel like if I write this down, then maybe, just maybe there is a half a chance of it happening. 


A NEW YEAR'S WISH:

Happy 2013 to all my family and friends.  Thanks for another year of reading what I write in this blog. And for those who seem to be following me and I haven't had the chance to meet you, an even bigger thank you for reading the words of someone you don't even know.  That's pretty cool!

I hope this coming year is one filled with many magical adventures, gaggles of laughter, and incredible moments when you feel so blessed to be alive and smiling.  We are all so fortunate to have each other.  I love you! 

ICE!

The first of many lines.

A Living Social deal came across my inbox in November.  The offer was for tickets for ICE! at the Gaylord in National Harbor.  I forwarded the email special to Jeff and asked if he thought this would be good for us to do on Christmas day.  He agreed and I bought the tickets.  Our entry was for 1:00pm on December 25, 2012.

B I G  M I S T A K E !!!!!!

I am pretty sure this was the first time in our 8 years as a family that we were all on the same page.  Saying we were miserable is an understatement.

We arrived and parked at the garage nearest the ICE! exhibit.  As soon as we walked out of the garage we quickly spotted this HUGE line of people waiting to get in.  We didn't realize it, but ICE! on Christmas day didn't open until 1:00pm.  We also didn't realize it would be this popular.  Surely families would be at home enjoying their new toys and spending time together, and not taking up space at ICE!, right?  Nope!  That was not the case.

We get our place in line (at 12:45pm) and we are still in good spirits.  We make small talk with the people behind us.  Before we know it, the line starts moving.  It isn't until we turn the corner that we notice there are two lines going inside.  Chatter among the people in line begins on what each line means.  Some people say the lines are equal and other people are saying that one line is for the 1:00pm group and the other line is for the 1:30pm group.

This is where the confusion and chaos begin.  Once we make it inside, we are given wrong information by the attendants.  We wait in the line for those who have tickets and slowly make our way to the top of the line.  Only to find out we needed to stand in the much, much longer line to get to the box office to turn in our printouts and get different tickets.

At this point, there is wall to wall people in every which direction and no one in my family (me included!) is happy about standing in another line again (this one 4 times as long!).  By the time we make our way to the box office window, we've stripped the kids of a few of their layers so they wouldn't overheat.  We are dressed and ready for 9 degree weather!  However, where we are standing, plus the sheer number of people around us is making us quite warm. We are now getting grumpier and grumpier.   The box office lady tells us that our tickets she is handing us will be for the 3:00pm entrance.  I am not sure who yelled first, me or Jeff.  3:00pm was not going to fly!  It was now 1:49pm and we had been in multiple lines for an hour only to find out we weren't officially getting in until 3:00pm.   Not to mention the tickets I purchased were for 1:00pm.

After a heated discussion, the lady stationed next to the one helping us, said to give us the 3:00pm and to just go in now.  I said, as long as that works, we are fine with it.

At this point, we have to get back at the end of the line (the one we originally stood in) to hand in the tickets.  Jeff gets right behind this woman who keeps telling him she has a family of 10 coming in front of him.   Ugh.   Jeff is not getting it and the woman keeps saying it two more times.  Jeff is still standing there and not making way for this woman's 9 other family members.

I've had it and we are all frustrated.  I tell Jeff, Ian and Sam to follow me and I get out of the area we are standing in and walk to the front of the line.  I proceed to tell the woman collecting tickets, "I don't care who you have to talk to, but we demand to be let in right now.  We've already stood in this line once and we are not standing in it again."  Without hesitation, the woman lets us in.

Momentarily we get excited about being in.  We start to re-layer the kids (hats, gloves, sweaters, jackets) and make our way through another set of roped mazes.  We find ourselves in a holding room with at least a hundred other people, if not more.  This time we are made to listen to an employee tell jokes and introduce a film on how ICE! is made.  No one in my Toppall family is amused.  We keep all our layers on so we are ready to go the minute they let us in.

Finally, the film has come to an end and we are let inside the exhibit.  Not so fast, we now have to stand in another line of roped mazes to get to the parka area.  Even though we've come plenty prepared for the 9 degree temps, you have to take a coat with you.  This line moves at an excruciatingly slow pace.  Again, we delayer the kids so they don't overheat.

It has been over 1.5 hours of lines for something we thought we'd be able to walk right in on.   Ian is wearing a shirt, a wool sweater, his winter jacket, and the heavy-duty parka they hand you.  Sam refuses to put on their heavy-duty parka and we carry it for her.  As we are entering through the main exhibit doors (FINALLY!!!!), Ian is in tears crying and Sam is all shades of upset at still being there.   We find out Ian is crying because he is so hot.  I quickly take off his parka and hold on to it.  Both kids are miserable and frankly, so are Jeff and I after everything we'd been through to get to this point.  We.  Are.  Done.   We could've been walking into a room filled with unlimited, free candy all you could eat and I don't think this would've been worth the wait.

We all come to the same conclusion.  Let's get out of here.  We power walk through the ICE! exhibit to get to the exit.  Waiting in lines to get in = over 1.5 hours.  Walking through it as fast as we can to get out = less than 5 minutes.

Through some of those 5 minutes, Jeff is trying to point out to the kids some of the cool displays as we are flying by them.  No one cared.  No one wanted to stop for a closer look.  I have to say, I felt the same way as the kids.   The lack of signage, lack of organization on where to go, the wrong instructions on which line to get into, the overcrowding all for the same timed entry was hard to overcome. 

Once we finally made it back outside, Sam let out a big scream, "I DIDN'T LIKE THIS IDEA AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   We all laughed and I told Sam, get it out.  Scream all you want.  Scream for all 4 of us. 

Sam upset with our ICE! experience. She is screaming and throwing Pinky around in protest.

Ian doing his best to give me his "upset" look for the camera. And, no, he is not cold. He is finally cooling down.

 I am not sure if we had walked right in, didn't encounter any lines, and it wasn't crowded if this would have made our experience better, but we will never find out.

We promised the kids we would never do that again.  Never.  Ever.

Ice Skating

We tossed around a few ideas on what we wanted to do on Saturday.  We had the whole day free!  Ice skating won with the most votes.  Believe it or not, it was Jeff's idea to do this activity.

Jeff doesn't ice skate!   Sam's never been ice skating!  And Ian didn't want to ice skate!  Sounds like a winner to me, right?   I was in shock when Jeff suggested we go ice skating OUTDOORS at the Reston Town Center.  Um, hello!  It's in the 40's and very, very windy.  What about being outside was going to be a good idea for us to be ice skating?  I quickly rerouted us to the Fairfax Ice Arena, off of Pickett Street, which is fortunately indoors.

We all got ice skates on and made our way to the ice.  I was going to be the most steady on my feet, so I took on helping Sam.  Ian was in charge of helping Jeff.  Ian's big advice for Jeff was "Stay close to the wall and hang on."  Good advice if you ask me, considering that Ian was not going to be able to hold Jeff up on his own. 

Sam and I get on the ice first.  Right away, she starts slipping and freaks out. All I can make out in her high-pitched voice is "I don't like this at all".  Ian is quick to suggest that she gets off the ice and calls it a day.  I bend down to Sam's height and tell her I will not ever let go of her hand.  I also tell her she can put her other hand on the wall and hold on.  That seems to make her happy (well, as much as Sam can be when doing something terrifying and exciting all at the same time) and we are off to go around the rink.  When I take a look behind us, I see that Jeff and Ian have barely moved from the open entrance to the rink.  They are technically on the ice, but they are not skating.  I am not sure exactly what is going on there, but I know that Ian doesn't want to be there to begin with and Jeff is not a fan of ice skating.  They make a lovely, motivated couple. 

By the time we make it all the way around, Sam is loving ice skating and is starting to build up some confidence.  She still refuses to let go of my hand and the wall, but she has a smile on her face and is very happy to be doing this.  Meanwhile, Jeff and Ian have had enough and can't wait to tell us that they are done.  They are taking off their skates and turning them in. I'd say score one for Fairfax Ice Arena on this cost-to-skate return on their investment.

Sam and I continue to make our way around the rink, again and again.  She is doing really well, but every time she slips or falls, she is quick to scream at me, "LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!!"   If I could've left her there on the ice, I would've.  I did nothing but offer her help and hold her hand.  The best was when she would get her balance back and start stomping her feet and screaming at me.  She was having a temper tantrum on ice. Actually, that would be a great musical "Temper Tantrum on Ice" coming soon to a theatre near you. Tonya Harding can play Sam.  :)

It was fabulous and there was no place I'd rather be  (said very sarcastically).  I kept offering Sam to take a little break to sit down for a minute or two.  She would then scream back, "NO, LET'S KEEP SKATING!!!!"

First moments on the ice.  Not entirely sure what to think.

She likes it!

Ohhh, she is so not happy!

We finally leave the side of the wall!

But then Sam slips and proceeds to yell at me and stomp her feet.

 

After skating continuously for a little more than an hour, we called it a day and turned in our skates.  I think I can wait more than a little while before trying this family outing again.

A gift that makes you chuckle.

So The Man gave me a Christmas gift.  He handed me an 8x12 envelope as I was getting ready to leave on Friday.  The note on the outside of the envelope said, "Do Not Open Until Christmas"  and "OPEN THIS LAST!!!".   Plus, there was a "Happy N.Y."  which I took to mean Happy New Year.  I guess he forgot that I don't celebrate Christmas.  When I reminded him, he said, "Oh yeah, just open it later than."   I told him I'd wait until Christmas; as I am not opposed to getting a Christmas present.

However, curiosity got the better of me and with my Toppall team as the audience, I opened the envelope on Saturday morning.  This is what was in it.

Money, money, money!! 

As a family we counted it together.  So. Much.  Fun.  How could it not be fun counting money, not knowing exactly how much there was going to be?

$100.  All in ones.  How very him of him.  That's The Man.  And that's his very quirky sense of humor.  I was touched by his generous gesture and his ability to do this all on his own!  In just one week, I will have been working for The Man for a full year.  He never fails to amuse me.  And, he never fails to drive me crazy.

I wish everyone who celebrates a very magical and merry Christmas.  Have a great holiday and enjoy being with your family or friends if that's what the day has in store for you.  Or, enjoy the quiet time and take a nice, long nap if you are celebrating solo.  Or, if you can get the best of both worlds, say hi to the family and friends and then leave the room to take nap.  Might be a bit rude to fall asleep right in front of them.  Better leave something to mystery on where you disappeared to.  :)

"Letting go" is NOT in my vocabulary

I've come to the realization that I can't let go.  I have certain expectations of how I like things to be, and when it doesn't go my way, I am pouting on the inside like a 2 year old.  I am not sure how to move beyond this, but it is wreaking havoc on my ability to be happy, the ability to be content with the way life can get all screwy, and generally the ability to go with the flow.

I find it best to not have any preconceived notions about anything. I try not to have a visual in my head of an experience that we are about to embark on, so I don't get disappointed.  This can be as simple as running into the grocery store to pick up a needed item for dinner to something big like seeing a live performance.  The problem is, I am a very optimistic person.  I look for the best in every situation and have high hopes that we will all have a grand time and the day will flow smoothly.   You can imagine that when reality slaps me in the face, I am probably disappointed and kicking & screaming on the inside more than the average person.

Ian has the kind of personality that he wants to please his father and me.  If he sees either of us getting the least bit critical or disappointed with his actions, Ian will quickly get in line and do his best to conform.  I know this isn't completely normal or healthy for him to be like, but G-d love him that he makes my life so much easier.

Sam, however, could care less about pleasing Jeff and me.  She has it set in her head how an event or situation will go down, and there is no changing that.  If she doesn't want to get in the car to head home after preschool, then she won't.  Plain and simple, she does what she wants to do.  No amount of reasoning or demanding a certain compliance from her is going to change her intent.  While I do my best to "manage" the moment and get on with our day as quickly as possible, it is usually near impossible.  By the time we (Sam and I) are back on the move, I am ridiculously mentally exhausted and feel like laying down on the ground in the fetal position or hiding under a rock.  Not possible for this mom who is needed and required to show up at about 10 different spots throughout the day.

I recently finished reading a book (fiction) about these two women; one was a writer and the other was a mom to a severely autistic child, who unfortunately died from a seizure.  The woman who was a writer was channeling the voice of the child who passed away.  She was writing the book in his voice -- considering he was non-verbal his whole life, finding out what he was thinking was a huge blessing for the mom.   The book was a bit slow-going and not something that I even recommend friends read, but was interesting to me.

Somehow, reading from the viewpoint of the autistic boy gave me greater understanding to Samantha.  Please don't get me wrong, in no way do I think Sam suffers from autism or anywhere on the spectrum. But, much of the rigidity in her actions and the ability to be flexible when she has it in her head to be anything but, rang all too true when getting a glimpse inside this boy's head in the book.

Fortunately, at some point Sam does stop the tantrum/meltdown; not as soon as I'd like, but eventually she does give up.  And, fortunately, Sam's outbursts are getting a little farther spaced apart.  And, an even bigger fortunately, she only acts like this for me and Jeff.  But, when the temper tantrums do come, its a doozy.

So, here I am at a crossroads.  I realize Sam is going to be like Sam.  There is no changing it any time soon and I just need to accept this is the way she is.   But, now I realize I have a very hard time letting go.  I need to be more flexible and not hold so strongly to my sky-is-blue-all-is-right-with-the-world vision I have most times.  In the end, I only get depressed and disappointed when it doesn't turn out. 

Case in point:  We were in Philadelphia two weekends ago.  We were able to complete the rest of the checklist of items I wanted the kids to see (Betsy Ross' House, Liberty Bell, and National Constitution Center).   At our last stop, I thought it would be nice to get a group picture of the whole family together.  Sam was stuck drawing on some little piece of paper she was carrying around and refused to look up to get the photo taken.  It really got to me.  I only needed her to look up for 5 seconds!  No amount of pleading was getting her to comply.  Meanwhile the rest of the family is getting very antsy and is losing patience.  Not to mention the nice worker taking the photo was more than ready to go back to his post.  I couldn't let this moment go!  I really wanted her to look up for the photo.  She refused.  It bothered me (and still does) so much more than it should have.  I know this.  Why can't I let it go!?!?!?

I am positively convinced we all would be looking up and smiling for the camera if Sam wasn't fixated on her drawing and I wasn't in the process of making a big deal out of it.

Here is our 2nd shot with me still trying to convince Sam to look up.

This is just one of many examples. I am already feeling very overwhelmed by the day to day, and this self-imposed added absurdity needs to stop.  We are not perfect.  We will never be. So what if she isn't looking at the camera, right?  This is who we are.  Why can't I go be okay with that!?!?!

This is my rant for the day.  More like beating myself up then having anything to do with Sam.  The incidence with Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT was a major wake-up call for me.  I am trying very hard to let the trivial things roll off my back, not need everything to be perfect and enjoy the moment more.  I know there are 26 families right now that would be absolutely fine with less than perfect. 

Coming to a mailbox near you.

Our holiday card mailing list originally got its start as the invite list to our wedding.  It was an easy way to begin getting the addresses needed to send out our annual holiday card.  Jeff and I call it our "Master Address List" on the computer.  As we hear of friends or family that have moved throughout the year, we do our best to keep it updated.  And as we make new friends, we add their name/address to the list to have in the future.

Each year, I order 100 holiday cards and usually have a few left over as extras.  This year, however, the 100 I ordered didn't go nearly as far as I thought it would.  I guess our "Master address list" is in desperate need of cleaning out.  Jeff was helping me stick the labels on the envelopes and we kept asking each other who all these random people were.  I thought for sure they were friends of his and he was thinking the same thing about me.  Turns out, we had about 4 people's names/addresses we had no clue who they were.  And, the funny thing is, these people have been getting a holiday card from us for the past 8 years. 

We ended the evening in side-splitting laughter thinking about these people's reactions when they opened up a card from us (for almost a full decade) and they too, were wondering who we were.  I also put in a second order for more holiday cards.  Clearly 100 wasn't enough.  Even when we took off the relatives that are suffering from alzhemeirs, we still fell about 5 short. 

But, at least I'm getting better.  This year's holiday card is an appropriate size.  For some reason, I didn't fully see the dimensions of last years card when I ordered them and it turned out to be the size of a business card.  You know those cutesy kind that school age kids hand out in class for Valentine's day?  Yep, that was about the size of it.  I wasn't sure they were even going to pass postal standards because the address and stamp took up most of the envelope.  Hahahahaha.

Maybe next year, I'll have all my ducks in row and will have enough cards in the right size, to mail to everyone THAT WE KNOW!  That will surely be a Christmas miracle.  :)

Homework :(

I hate homework.  There, I said it.  I don't let Ian and Sam use the word "hate", but I personally will in describing my disdain for the work given to kids to do at home.  I didn't enjoy homework when I was growing up and I certainly don't enjoy watching Ian have to do it.  

Ian spends more than enough time at school each day.  I don't understand why homework has to come home with him.  When you factor in religious school on Tuesdays (4:30pm to 6:15pm) and gymnastics on Mondays and Wednesdays (4:00pm to 6:00pm) fitting in homework becomes a burden.  We are not casually sitting around in the evenings wondering what we should do to fill our time.   By the time Ian gets home on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of each week, eats dinner, helps clear the table, and takes a shower, it barely gives him any downtime with Jeff before he has to be in bed at 8:15pm, let alone have time do his required nightly reading and other school work.

Ian is in 2nd grade -- does he really need 4 different things to do each school night (Reading, Math, word study for their spelling words, and a response question or drawing based on their reading)?  I am so over it.  To be honest, I was never in to it.  For anyone worried about me "projecting" my feelings onto Ian, don't worry, I put on an excellent game face.  As far as he's concerned, he thinks I think homework is the most important thing in the world.

Ian and I have mapped out a strategy.  Other than the 15 minutes of reading each night and the pre-test for his spelling words on Thursday evening, we try to get the rest of it all done while Sam is at her swim lesson on Monday afternoons.  So far, so good.  But I know this is not how the teacher intended for the home work to help reinforce what they are learning at school.

I'm not saying that I could ever, EVER home school my kids, but there is some appeal to the idea that home work wouldn't exist if I was their teacher.  Yes, I know, its a very scary thought that I could be Ian's sole teacher.  We will quickly abolish that idea and get on the home work bandwagon.