The best kind of crazy

Everyone needs a best friend in their life who comes along and is up for all the crazy adventures the two of you can dream up.  For me, one of those people is Susanne.  Between the two of us, there is not a voice of reason or a practical bone in our bodies when we put our heads together. In fact we have list running of all the kooky things we've done with our combined 5 kids that most parents would shake their head at.  It's a pretty funny list...One of my favorite stories is when we went to Williamsburg and got a recommendation for a fantastic restaurant for dinner called "Food for Thought".  We arrived at 5:30pm and was told there would be a 1.5 hour wait.  Despite being surrounded by all these chain restaurants with empty parking lots, we go for it and wait it out.  The icing on the cake was when the kids complained they were starving and starting to meltdown from a big day spent in historic Williamsburg. We gave them multiple bags of potato chips to hold them over.  A side note:  For those needing a restaurant in Williamsburg, I highly recommend "Food for Thought".  It's worth the wait!  Even with 5 hungry kids.

It wasn't too long ago that we started talking about Winter Break and what each of us had planned.  An idea to go to Busch Gardens for the day with the kids has turned into an overnight trip to New York City.  We quickly added a third amiga and invited Anna to join us with her 3 kids.  Yes, that's right.  3 moms and 8 kids all loose in New York City.   What could be more fun? 

I was fortunate enough to go to England and Portugal with Susanne and Anna. We did great traveling together for 10 days without any kind of break from each other.  Now lets add in 8 very active, very noisy, high energy kids and we'll see how it goes.  These kids are all great friends with each other as are the moms.  I believe we have the recipe for a getaway we might have to describe as "epic".  :)

We have such awesome plans!  Given that we are going 4 days before Christmas and expect it to be a busy time, not to mention we are a traveling group of 11, we have our visit pretty well planned out with reservations and tickets bought.

We are going to the Rockette's Christmas Spectacular Show!  We are seeing the broadway musical "School of Rock"!  We plan to go down 5th Avenue and see the store window displays!  Reservations for dinner have already been secured.  Seeing the big Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center is on the list.

I love New York City!  Ian and Samantha have never been there during the holidays and it will be so much fun for them to see how NYC goes all out making Christmas magical.

Susanne and I took the kids to NYC at the end of June 2015.  It was high time we returned and took it up a notch in the city that never sleeps.

Friendships

When I went to meet Ian to have lunch with him at school on his birthday, I was able to spend a little time with Sam during her lunch time as they kid's lunch period overlaps by 10 minutes.

As I was approaching Sam at her table, I see she is sitting between two girls I know.  Both of these girls are super sweet and I am pleased Sam is friends with them.

Girl # 1 on Sam's left is in the middle of telling Sam a story.
Sam interrupts her and says, "You need to speed this up."

OMG!

Then a few minutes later, Girl #2 on Sam's right side goes to give Sam a spontaneous hug.
Sam:  Ouch!  My shoulder!!
Girl #2:  Which one?
Sam:  Both of them!

Girl #2 begins apologizing for 'hurting' Sam.  Ha!  I quickly said, please don't ever apologize for giving someone a hug.

I can't believe Sam has friends.  It is amazing to me these girls put up with behavior like this and comes back for more. WOW.

Making friends in the 'hood

We've never had the traditional neighborhood where my kids became friends with those who lived near us.  Our house is on a pipestem and it has never lent itself to us being outdoors much and seeing other kids around.

That is until now.  The house right next door to us has always had a revolving cast of characters. It is not an exaggeration to say that this one house could lend itself to a reality show.  A really successful reality show.  Recently a new duo moved in; a single mom and her 6 year old daughter.   I guess the odds were in our favor that eventually a normal set of people would take residence. 

Even though the little girl is one year younger than Sam, they seem to have hit it off.  I was jumping for joy when I saw Sam was ok (and even nice!) with the girl next door.  It was a refreshingly 'normal' few minutes when the little girl asked Sam if she wanted to come over to her house and Sam said 'yes'!   And then after an hour, the two girls came back to our house to play.  Before you know it, the girls logged 4 hours of playtime on Sunday. 

This is uncharted territory for us.  I've always had to apologize for Sam's shyness and tell myself its ok if she doesn't have many friends.  All you need in life is one or two good ones, right?  And just because I am outgoing and love to be around people, doesn't mean my children will be.   But for this one day, Sam went with the flow and allowed herself a little fun playing with a new neighbor.  I was so proud of her.

Maybe, just maybe, the social skills therapy group has proven to be helpful. 

Got Kids?

One of the best inventions ever is the playdate.  An opportunity to get your kids together with another set of kids for a set amount of time; an hour, an afternoon, an overnight, whatever.  It can be at your house, or it can be at theirs.  Either way, it rocks!

With the kids at an age where you don't have to worry about them getting into something they shouldn't be messing with, and you don't have to change diapers, or bottle feed, or spoon feed, or worry about a nap schedule, playdates are simply wonderful.  Having 2 or 3 more kids over to the house is like having 5 less (my 2, plus the extra friends).  They entertain each other, socialize and you never hear the words, "I'm bored."  They keep each other active and moving.  When friends are over, the time flies by. 

When the playdate is happening at my house, I can take a supervisory role.  I will distribute snacks, keep an eye on them when they are outside and generally make sure they are not attempting anything that will land them an emergency room visit.  For the most part, I am able to relax and love seeing the kids interacting with their friends.  It warms my heart to see these friendships continue over the years. 

It's so nice when you have a few families you click with and the kids ages match up.  I love being able to help out my fellow mommy friends and I love knowing they are also available to help me out.  It takes a village to raise children.  And I love the families that live in my village. 

Friends.

I feel like I am back in school, elementary school that is.  Between Ian's 3rd grade math and Sam socializing in Kindergarten, I've been transported back to the 1970's.

I've discovered that Sam is shy.  Painfully shy.  I didn't realize how bad this was until kindergarten started.  She had an amazing group of friends all through preschool, but none of them went to the same elementary school as her.  It was time for her to start over.  It's not like she was going to stop being friends with her preschool crowd (they will be friends forever!!), but she definitely needed to have a friend or two to hang out with during school.  Sam needed to figure out how to make friends.  Each day she came home from school, I'd ask her about her day and who she played with.  Sam would shrug her shoulders and not really give me an answer.  My Mama Bear instincts came out in full force and I was determined to make Sam a friend during Back-to-School night.  As moms were filing into the kindergarten room I asked a few if they had a daughter or son in the class.  Once I found a mom of a little girl, I said we need to get a playdate scheduled ASAP!   It turns out that this mom also has a son who is in 3rd grade.  Ian knew him and they've played together from time to time during recess.  We scheduled a date to go bowling with all the kids.  A friendship between Sam and her daughter, Michela was forming. Yay!

Sam started talking about Michela and another girl named Courtney.  It was great hearing Sam telling me what was going in Kindergarten and hearing about these girls.  Ian even spotted Sam braiding Courtney's hair during lunch one day.

We had TWIN DAY at school coming up.  I never got into any of these themed dress-up days before with Ian.  He always handled it on his own. Ian would coordinate which baseball jersey the boys in his class would wear and they would show up at school ready to go.  For some reason I am much more protective of my daughter and was scared she'd be the odd duck out.  I couldn't let that happen.  I asked Sam if she wanted me to email Courtney's mom and see if they could dress alike.  Sam said yes.  When I sent the email I offered to go to Target and buy matching shirts.  I said it would be my pleasure to treat Courtney.  I got a pretty quick response from Courtney's mom.  She was very receptive to the girls dressing like twins.  Only my suggestion of keeping it easy by going to Target turned into a big-time shopping date at Gymboree at the mall.  Sam was overjoyed when she heard her and Courtney could pick out their outfit together.  We met at the mall on Monday afternoon (MLK day holiday) just in time before getting school cancelled for the next 3 days.  Fortunately Friday we only had a 2 hour delay and the girls dressed exactly alike for TWIN DAY.



Sam and Courtney having fun shopping together for matching outfits.

The cutest thing was when the phone rang on Friday morning.  I answered it to hear to Ian's friend Jack, in a shaky, timid 8 year old voice ask for Ian to come to the phone.  Jack wanted to confirm with Ian which baseball player's shirt they were all going to wear.  The boys decided on Strausburg. 

Sam and Courtney were the hit of kindergarten.  I can now breathe a sigh of relief that she has a couple of friends.  That is until next year when she ends up in different class than Courtney and Michela and I may have to start this making friends thing all over again.  It's a good thing I am good at it. :)

As for 3rd grade math and kindergarten sight words, I am still in elementary school hell. 

Sam in her TWIN DAY clothes. 
This is what the girls picked to wear.

Making time for friends

There has been some discussion in our house on how frequently I go out.  I am not talking about partying or drinking (because that is soooo not me), I am referring to all the times I am out for bookclub, movies, running/participating in races, meeting friends for dinner, hiking, and other social opportunities.  I try to keep meeting my friends to weeknights and leave the weekends mostly for family time.  I am not always successful, but I try my best. I do admit, sometimes without my realizing the activities add up and I am out 2 or 3 nights each week.  It's just hard to say no!  I enjoy being with my friends and most times can really use the escape after a trying day with the kids.  Plus, I seem to have a lot of friends!  This is a great problem to have and I don't want to short change spending time with one group for another.

I received validation yesterday in The Washington Post on how important these friendships are.   The Health section had an article on the great benefits a woman receives by having friends and socializing with them.  According to the artcle, you will live longer and have a healthier life.  And, get this -- if you have too few connections, it was similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.  Really. 

I know I've said this before, but I am so blessed to have so many wonderful women in my life I call my friends.  Like the title of the article says, they've got my back, my heart and brain too.

For your reading pleasure:

Friends get your back. Your heart and brain, too.

By Carolyn Butler, Tuesday, March 15

With no offense to my husband or the rest of my family, I really don’t think that I could make it through the day — much less have weathered all the ups and downs of the last three decades or so — without my friends.

Whether it’s comparing child-rearing notes with Puffin, gossiping over coffee with Hannah and Maggie, hashing out long-term goals with my power-walk partner Sara, parsing last night’s festivities with Stacie or commiserating with Janet about a major setback, each of these women helps keep me balanced and sane.

My inner circle has been there for me in countless ways over the years, and I’ve always tried to reciprocate with as much time, support and love as possible.

Not that I ever need an excuse for a girls’ night out, but research suggests that good friends may actually be great medicine: Strong social ties may help stave off memory loss as you age; reduce stress; boost immunity; help you lose weight and keep it off; and buffer against depression, among other health benefits. There’s also a strong longevity link, says Carl Latkin, a professor of social and behavioral sciences at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health: “If you have supportive relationships, you’re going to live longer.”

In fact, a 2010 review of nearly 150 studies that was published in PLoS Medicine found that people with strong social ties had a 50 percent better chance of survival, regardless of age, sex, health status and cause of death, than those with weaker ties. This conclusion was based on information about more than 300,000 individuals who were followed for an average of 7.5 years. According to the researchers, the health risk of having few connections was akin to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and more dangerous than being obese or not exercising in terms of shaving years off your life.

And numerous studies have shown that friends may affect your health even more than family members: The 2005 Australian Longitudinal Study of Aging found that close relationships with children and other relatives had little impact on longevity, while people with the most friends tended to outlive those with the fewest by 22 percent.

Close comrades seem to be a valuable advantage when it comes to battling specific medical conditions such as heart disease and obesity. A study of 2,230 breast cancer patients in China published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology last month found that social quality of life – including the strength of friendships — was the most important predictor of both cancer recurrence and survival. “It’s very exciting, because we believe social quality of life is modifiable — it’s something that we can change,” says the study’s lead author, Meira Epplein, an assistant professor at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine.

Still, experts stress that it remains unclear exactly why the buddy system seems to convey benefits. “If you have a larger social network, is it material resources like those people taking you to the doctor and making sure you take your medication? Does that make a difference?” asks Latkin. “Or does having a confidant result in some emotional or psychological process that might increase well-being and reduce depression? In other words, are friends protecting you from bad things or promoting good things?”

Much has been made of the remarkable power and influence of female friendships in particular. (See: “Fried Green Tomatoes, ” “Thelma and Louise,” “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.”) But both sexes seem to benefit by having close confidants, says Latkin. “It used to be thought that men had larger social networks while women had more intimate networks, but . . . that’s not necessarily a tried-and-true statement anymore,” he says. If men manage to gather similar emotion support around them, they’ll likely experience the same benefits.

A 1993 study of 736 middle-aged Swedish men, for instance, makes that point: It found that having a strong social network seemed to significantly decrease the risk of heart attack and fatal coronary heart disease.
Even so, as anyone with a wide social network can probably tell you, chums aren’t always a positive thing. “There are downsides … like if you have a lot of network members who are requesting support and demanding resources from you, which can be highly stressful,” says Latkin. He adds that having people in your friendship network with whom you have conflicts or whom you can’t stand tends to overcome the positive effects of true friendship within that group. And sometimes the behavior of good pals can cause problems: A 2007 study suggested that if your friends gain too much weight, you’re more likely to do so, too.

For the Internet generation, it’s also worth noting that “it’s both the density and quality of social relationships that make a real difference in people’s lives,” says psychologist David Shern, president and chief executive of Mental Health America, a nonprofit advocacy organization based in Alexandria.

“Simply having 1,000 friends on Facebook is much less important than having a few friends with whom have a very high-quality, mutually supportive relationship with integrity — meaning that you can count on people to be straight with you, and ... to rely on when you find yourself in need.”

But why wait until you’re in need, given how beneficial a little friendly face time can be? I, for one, am planning my next girls’ night out right now.

Getting by with a little help from my friends

Earlier this week I experienced a period of complete and utter turmoil, stress and frustration trying to parent Sam.  My recent blog "Going crazy", detailed a little of what I am going through and what a handful my 2.5 year old is. 

That morning, I received one of the greatest delights in my 'Winter break from Hell' and it turned not only my day around, but gave me the strength to continue on & survive.  One of the best friends any woman could have (with or without children) is named Jennifer W.  We had on the calendar a scheduled drop-off playdate for Ian, at 10:00am at her house.  After getting in a quick work-out at the gym (more to escape actual parenting than anything else), I drove to Jen's house and walked Ian to the door.  Jen inquired about Sam and asked if I was dropping her off too.  WHAT!?!?!  Didn't Jen get the memo, or watch the news or hear the screaming from our house to hers on what I am going thru daily?  Was she really serious that she wanted Sam too?  I thought I was hearing things.  After I confirmed that Sam was invited too, I started tearing up.  This was exactly the break that was needed.  In a very big way. 

I believe that Sam was incredibly happy to be getting a break from me too, because when I went to get her out of the car, she ran to Jen's front door and didn't look back.  I think I may have heard a "bye-bye Mommy" come out of her mouth as she passed me by.

I am not sure if Jen realized just how necessary this drop-off playdate was to my mental well-being.  But, she literally saved me that day.  I am sure at some point I would've had to call Jeff to come home early and let me go somewhere by myself to escape.  Yes, I hit my breaking point.

When I went to go pick the kids up (at 3:00pm!!!!!!!), of course the reports come back that Sam was an angel.  I would much rather her be troublesome with me and no one else, especially a friend I am very fond of.  But still, I feel like I am doing something wrong.  Yes, I know this is just a stage and she will eventually grow out of it.  Jen has been kind enough to offer to have her over anytime I feel like I am about to lose it.  Um, that would mean Sam moves in with you for the next 6 months or so.  :)  And while you are it, can you tackle potty training too? 

Later that afternoon, my other amazing friend Kelly, called and said, "I just read your blog.  I know this is really late notice, but would you like to go the movies tonight?"  My reply?  "Yes!  I could sit in a dark theatre right now and have nothing play on the screen and it would be time well spent."   We saw the movie, "How do you know". Very cute movie and my fantastic, well-relaxed, non-stressed mood continued a little longer.

I owe so much to my mommy friends.  I really think it takes a village to be a stay-at-home-mom.  I feel so fortunate to have an incredible support group that keeps me going.  These friendships I have formed go beyond us having kids in common.  They aren't getting rid of me anytime soon no matter how old our kids get.  I honestly don't know if I'd be able do this job solo.  Nor do I ever want to find out.  Thank you Jen and Kelly -- I love you guys!

There's nothing sweeter!

There is something so sweet and innocent about being 3, 4, 5 years old.  I love that Ian warmly greets his friends (both boys and girls) with open arms for great big, bear hugs that envelop their whole body.  And when walking from the playground, to the picnic table, to their bikes, through the mall, to ride the train, or even in the school hallway, they hold each other's hands making their way from point A to point B. 

What a wonderful world we live in that Ian and his friends can express their genuine like for each other and not feel compelled to conform to society's view of how two people should interact.  I am not sure at what age these kids will stop the huge hugs hello, good-bye and openly holding hands, but I hope it continues for a long time.

I no longer remember the process for making new friends.   But I've gotten a glimpse, through Ian, of how 5 year olds make friends.  Each day, I'll ask Ian who he spoke to and if considers them a friend or not.  I find it interesting that Ian can talk to the same kid each day, even sit next to them, but doesn't think of them as an official friend.  There was this one little boy, named James, that Ian spoke about all the time.  I asked Ian if he thought of James as a friend, and Ian said, "No, I haven't asked him yet."   Apparently, another classmate doesn't get the label "friend" until a formal conversation occurs; where one person asks another person if they would like to be friends.  The other day, Ian got in the car after school was over, and had the biggest smile on his face.  He said he is now friends with Olivia M.  I asked him if he said, "Hey Olivia, do you want to be friends?" and Ian replied back to me with, "No, Olivia came up to me and said, "Please, do you want be my friend?."  Ian said he will never say no if someone asks him to be his friend.  He said he wants to have two girlfriends and two boyfriends, but he'll be friends with everyone.

Everyone who knows me, is aware how concerned I was Ian wouldn't have any friends, especially having entered kindergarten not knowing anyone,  I had no idea the rules for making friends, but I like that these kids have a figured out a way to make sure the friendship is mutual.  I don't remember ever getting specifically asked or me asking anyone if they wanted to be friends, but I like this updated 2010 approach.  It lets you know instantly where you stand with the other person.  And, it makes me feel better that Ian has confirmation on the friendship.

Like peanut butter and jelly

Alright, I am announcing to the world that I am going to stop worrying about Ian fitting in at Kindergarten. Monday's homework assignment was to draw a picture of a new friend at school and write his/her name below the drawing.  Ian instantly picked a boy named Reese to draw.  I was pleased that Ian could come up with someone so quickly that he considered a friend, but I began to worry that this friendship was one sided.  What if Reese didn't feel the same way?  What if Ian was setting himself up for future disappointment if he found this out?  

Ugh, the over-protective mother in me was coming out loud and clear.  I hate being like this.  I just don't want Ian to ever get his feelings hurt.  I know how sweet and sensitive he is. I want him to enjoy going to school and getting to see his fellow classmates.

The next day I was walking Ian to school and the line of kids for the PM kindergarten class had already started.  As Ian was making his way to the back of the line, this little blond-haired boy breaks free from his spot in line and runs up to Ian saying, "I want to move back here and be next to Ian."  Ian replies back, "Hi Reese!!!!"  

So this was the infamous Reese that Ian talks about and drew in his picture for homework.  The friendship was mutual!!  Reese started hugging Ian right there in line and Ian hugged back.  It was very cute. I was so happy to see that they both liked each equally, that I started tearing up and wanted to hug them both.  Of course I managed to restrain myself. 

Yes, I am such a sap.  It has been a long 3 weeks for me since school started.  I know what a fabulous funny, caring, sweet, gregarious little boy Ian is.  I was holding my breath until someone else found this out also.

It's a better world when you have friends

I joke with Jeff that I hope to never make a new friend. I have plenty as it is and already have a tough time staying in touch with the ones I have. It is a juggling act getting to see my friends often enough and still spending as much time with the family as I want. Adding more friends would only eat up time I don't have to give to these new friendships.

About a year ago, this woman and I were walking out of the gym at the same time and she commented on my workout. "It looks like you had a great run this morning." That's basically all she had to say and I was puddy eating out of her hands. We joke that she picked me up at the gym. I came home and told Jeff that my running got noticed and he said, "I'm sorry, you've made a new friend." Ha! Not hardly. I was not going to get to know this woman and do nothing to encourage a friendship. However, this woman (who I come to find out is named Maria) was extra friendly and would try to start a conversation with me each time I saw her. Eventually I met her for bagels one morning while our kids were in school and started getting to know her.

If someone told me that a year later I'd be leaving a surprise bouquet of flowers at her doorstep for her 40th birthday, you could've knocked me over with a feather. And if someone told me that I'd be going to a birthday party being thrown for her by one of her friends where I knew no one but her, you'd also be able to knock me over with a feather. But that is exactly what happened. Somewhere over the past year, this Maria has become a friend and I feel like my life has become so much more sweeter with her in it.

Maria is one of the main Gazelles I run with on Saturday mornings and go to the local races with. She is so inspiring and makes me want to be a better runner. She is incredibly dedicated to running, but also has a great time doing it.

Unfortunately all the other Gazelles were out of town and not able to attend her party. I was certain I would feel more than a little uncomfortable walking into a complete stranger's house and not know anyone but Maria. On Friday, I asked Heather if she wanted to go to the party with me. She said yes! Heather is a great person to take to a party. She will never embarrass you with her behavior, she can relate to almost anyone and she doesn't mind not knowing anyone. Plus, she offered to pick me up, what more do you need in a date?

Heather and I had a wonderful time at the party. There was about 25 people there and we met and spoke to just about everyone. It was an incredibly welcoming group and the laughs came easy. This one guy there named Greg looked very familiar to Heather. Heather has the most amazing memory for faces. If she says someone looks familiar, then you can bet all the tea in China that Heather has met them at some point in her life. It turns out that Greg and Heather went out on a date approx. 10 years ago. Nothing ever came of it and they quickly lost touch and never spoke again. Right away, Heather and I had the same thought -- this guy would be perfect for our friend Wendy. He is a really nice guy and his interests are right up Wendy's alley. Hey, who knows if they will have chemistry or not, but it is worth a shot.

I really do think everything happens for a reason. And now I feel like becoming friends with Maria is part of my inspiration for being the runner that I've turned into. And taking Heather to this party was supposed to happen too. Maybe this is the guy that Wendy will end up with. She is such a wonderful person and deserves to be with someone who is worthy.

I didn't realize I had room in my life for another friend until Maria came along and showed me that there is always room for one more.

It takes a village

I had a lot of friends before becoming a mommy and having children. I've been fortunate to make some amazingly close friendships that no matter where I live, we will always be a part of each other's lives. I've spoken time and time again about "the girls" and am thankful that I have them. Beyond having a great time together, I know I can count on them and they can count on me.

But I found an unexpected treasure in the friendships I've made since having kids. Giving up my career and staying home put me in a whole new world. I didn't know anyone else who stayed at home and I wasn't entirely sure what a new mommy does with her day when she doesn't really have to be anywhere. Surely you don't stay in, watch Oprah and eat bon-bons? And, there are only so many trips to Target and the grocery store you can make in a week.

About 6 weeks after Ian was born, I joined my local MOMs club and instantly bonded with a few of the women in the club. Many daytime activities were planned for us and in the down-time we organized our own get togethers. We would go to the baby-friendly movies, meet for lunch, check out the various play areas, go to the park/playground, and on many, many occasions each other's houses. Our kids were babies together and now 4 1/2 years later, they love and adore each other. Furthermore, our group has grown and now the addition of younger siblings (sometimes 2 or 3) have made it all the more livelier.

There are few of these moms that are my favorites. Women who amaze me in how they keep it together, can laugh at the craziness, and relate to the madness. Women who I can call at a moment's notice and tell them I am having a tough day and know that a playdate will be arranged within 5 minutes. Women who offer to take one or both of the kids so I can go to a drs appt by myself or have the opportunity take just one child to their appt. Women who will track me down in my car enroute to pick up my son from preschool and throw out the invitation to drop him off at their house on my way home for an impromptu playdate; thus allowing me some wonderful "me" time while Sam takes her afternoon nap. Women who drop everything they are doing when they hear you are in labor 4.5 weeks early and very quickly come to your rescue and wisk your 3 year old away until the grandparents can get here. Women who love to do the near impossible and take a gazillion kids blueberry picking or the National Zoo in 95 degree heat during the summer and knowingly mess up the much beloved nap time. Women who feel as fortunate as I do that our kids get along as well as they do because we love spending time together too. Women who lend that extra hand without being asked and swoop in to help parent when we are out and about doing something with the kids. Women who still want to hang out with you and go to the movies, once the kids are in bed and they finally can get some quiet time. Women who have 3 or 4 kids and make it look effortless.

I can't imagine going through motherhood without these fellow moms by my side. Just thinking about it makes me cringe. I know as our kids get older, we will not need each other as much, but I hope that our kids will remain good friends and realize the history that exists. I worry that Ian will make new friendships in kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd, 3rd, etc and want to go over to these boy's houses after school and on the weekends. I am not going to know the parents like I do my mommy friends. How will I know Ian is walking into a good environment? How do I know what their parenting style is like? I wish (as I am sure Ian does too) that we could just all go to the same kindergarten next year together. That these kids can continue to be each other's main buddies. It would make my life so much easier. I may get lucky and meet some new amazing women, but in my heart I'll know they just won't compare to the first set I've met.

My Toppall team and I showed up at just the right time for each of us to make some amazing friendships.

A friend for all seasons

I am a big believer that people come in and out of your life for different reasons. The purpose of their presence and the effect they have on you may never come to light, but it happened for a reason and then it has served its purpose. Or, maybe it was you that was supposed to have an impact on them somehow. And, then it is time to move on and cultivate new friendships and acquaintances for another season.

I categorize these time periods as seasons in my life. For example, our neighbors across the street. We help each other out and will be the first to lend a hand if they so require. There are some neighbors that we are naturally closer to than others. But, if we or them move, there is really very little reason to keep the connection going.

Another example is the mommy friends I have made once Ian was born. We seem to collect these friends (usually all SAHMs with kids Ian's age and now younger siblings that are Sam's age) left and right and find more every time we leave the house. It is a natural thing for us to get together and see each other constantly. But once both kids are in school full-time and have started making their own set of friends, without me involved, there is very little reason to keep in touch with all these moms and their kids. It will happen slowly, but before you know it, everyone has moved on and the frequency of our playdates will be less and less.

And of course, you can still run into these people out at various places or maybe even other friend's houses, and be cordial and exchange pleasantries, but you will never be close like you once were.

I am totally okay with this and think more and more people need to realize this is the way of life and embrace it. There is one big exception to this seasonal friendship theory I have. There are going to be a handful of friends you make, that no matter what the circumstances are that brought you two together, you will never leave each other's life. If you have five of these type of friendships, you should consider yourself blessed. I feel so fortunate to have a couple of these friendships from growing up in Orlando, one from college, a few post college (the girls), and now two of my mommy friends. We don't have to talk every day or even monthly, but I know that I can pick up the phone or send an email and it isn't awkward to try to catch-up. There will always be a special connection that is mutual and goes beyond the 'season' or reason we were first introduced.

When the separation begins, I am usually not caught by surprise and realize this is just a natural evolution of life. It would be impossible to stay active with everyone you become friends with. For a couple of years now I had thought I lost a really good friend and couldn't understand why it ended like it did. I was incredibly disappointed and hurt. I inquired with many people who knew this person trying to make sense of the situation. I emailed, called, sent handwritten notes/cards and never got a response. I was just getting more and more hurt every time my effort at communicating went unanswered. I had to let it go because it was eating me up.

Through the beauty of Facebook, my missing friend reached out to me. I am happy to say we've reconnected and I can now understand the disappearance. I wish my friend well and would've loved to have been there and provided support this person so badly needed. July was an already packed month, so we are going to try to get together in August. My friend asked that I bring both kids as it has been before I was even pregnant with Sam that we last spoke.

I feel like I have closure now and can sleep a little better at night knowing that this particular friendship has stood the test of time and crisis and will hopefully continue to flourish.