Potty Progress

We are not out of the woods yet.  But Jeff and I find it very important to celebrate the small victories.  It's been such a long, painful road.  A journey that I was sure I wouldn't survive.  I already had visions that we would be getting an IEP for Sam when she entered kindergarten next year.  Yes, it was really that bad.  And I could easily see a future where Sam was wearing a pull-up to her prom.  Although, come to think of it, any 'action' that her date was planning on, would surely come to a halt when he reached her princess pull-up.  Maybe not such a bad thing. 

I am delighted to report that Sam has gone one month without any accidents!!  All peeing and pooping has been successfully completed in the toilet.  This is HUGE, people!!  Sam has pooped on average 2 to 3 times a day (big ones at that!!), each and every day.  Let me repeat, ALL SUCCESSFUL ON THE TOILET!!   No stripes, no little tidbits, no chunks of bigger things about to come in her panties.  This bears repeating!!  We have not thrown away one pair of underwear all month!!!

We all needed a moment to reflect and go absolutely crazy, over-the-top excited about the past month and celebrate how well Sam is doing.  So that there would be no pressure on her, Jeff & I came up with a surprise for our little pooper.  We would wake up this past Sunday and tell her she was going to the American Girl Doll Store and could pick out a doll.  Not another Bitty Baby, but the big leagues baby, an American Girl Doll!

Ever since we came back from our annual trip to the American Girl Doll Store for lunch, Sam has been looking at her catalogs and picking out the doll and outfits she wants.  She had no idea as she was looking at this catalog (multiple times a day, every day) that we had this plan in the works.

And so that Ian didn't feel completely left out of the surprise, we told him he could pick out where we went to lunch beforehand.  Of course, Jeff indirectly got Ian to pick where he wanted to go...Olive Garden.  But as long as Ian thinks it was his choice, that would work for us.

Jeff doesn't do well keeping surprises and it was very hard for us to keep the plan under wraps.  I have to admit, I even wanted to tell Sam what we had up our sleeves, but I knew it was important to not put pressure on her to not have an accident.  (Believe me, I know there is going to be times when she does have accidents.  I am so okay with that.)

Here is a picture of us telling Sam about her surprise:

Sam being told what is about to happen after we are done eating.

Picking out the McKenna doll.

Ok, so in the interest of full disclosure, Sam is still on 2 pieces of Ex-lax each and every night. I am not sure what will happen when she comes off of it, but until then I am most excited with the progress we've made. Our next appt. with the GI dr is on October 11th. We will find out next steps because Sam being on ex-lax for an extended amount of time is not a good thing. 

I keep feeling like we take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.  For some reason Sam went to the bathroom first thing in the morning and didn't go again the rest of the day.  We have no idea why.  We kept insisting she try to go and she kept saying she didn't have to.  Even when we were getting her ready for bed, we pretty much forced her to try to pee.  I have no idea what that is about.  Oy!

But since we were only celebrating NO ACCIDENTS FOR ONE ENTIRE MONTH!, everything about today still applied.  We are so proud of her.  Let's hope the progress continues.

A new development

So, I finally read a parenting book that really spoke to me.  "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene.  This book is written in a way that makes the most difficult situations seem easy to defuse and avoid the big, inevitable confrontations that can abound.  It comes up with a plan (simple, really) that helps you and the child collaboratively (this is key!!) work together on solutions for any issues that arise.  The big thing is to identify in advance (again, another key action!) what the lagging skills are (hard to transition, doesn't like change, hates certain foods/textures, etc) and the unsolved problems (refuses to cooperate getting dressed in the morning, hates to wear the proper shoes needed for that day's activity, lots of screaming when coming to get picked-up, etc).  Together, you talk thru each situation and really listen to the child as to what is going on causing the issues.  Together (again, it's all about being collabrative!), you work through to a solution on how to address this specific thing the next time this situation is presented.  The goal is to get it solved ahead of time, before it comes up again.  It's brilliant, really. 

The other thing I've taken from this book is to drop all expectations.  Does it really matter?  It's not giving in, but finding a way to compromise.  Sam is incredibly head-strong and has many ideas of her own.  There is no imposing my preconceived notions of how something should be.  Case in point -- if we are going to the park for the day and she wants to wear her flip-flops or crocs.  I know for a fact, this is not practical and Sam will be very upset when sand, mulch and twigs gets in her shoes.  So in the past, I've had many, many battles telling her she can't wear these shoes to the park.  Instead, I want her to wear the shoes that will protect her feet, allow her to run and climb without slipping or falling and generally better suited for playing.  In the end, I've won the battle, but not without much yelling and forcing my point.  Now, my new plan is to let her wear the impractical shoes and bring the more suitable shoes with me.  I'll let her fall (once!) or get mulch all stuck in her foot (therefore, complain) and be ready with the shoes I think she should be wearing.  This is an easy way for us to both win and we've gotten out the door realatively trauma-free.

I was never a big fan of Sam's therapist.  This is the woman we've been seeing since the end of February.   I felt like Sam completely ran every session and the clinician had very little control on how they spent their time together.  Now whether this was part of the master plan on the therapist's part or she was truly in over-her-head with the likes of Sam, I'll never know.  It had been 4 full months and the therapist had yet to address the potty training issues (withholding poop) we are dealing with.  After speaking with a few close friends who have degrees in therapy, I was encouraged to drop this therapist and find someone better suited for Sam.   Why did it take me this long to come to this conclusion?  Because everyone has said, the road to Sam pooping and peeing like the regular population will be a long, long road.  Like upwards of 18 months long.  I needed to be paitient.  I am not a naturally paitient person, and was doing my best to let the process happen.  I knew results wouldn't be seen overnight and had to give it time.  But Sam never really took to the therapist and I was trying to let a bond happen that wasn't coming easily.

After my return from Florida, I met with Sam's therapist on a one-on-one session to check in and see where we were.  She was ready to address the toilet training problem and tell me her ideas.  Finally!  I figured after all this time, I had to hear what she had to say.  If our chat didn't result in making me feel better about Sam's sessions with this woman, I was prepared to call her up and tell her we are going to try someone else. 

SO here's the real kicker -- Sam's therapist dropped us before I could drop her.  Wow.  Just wow.  She said that this other clinician in the practice has an opening and Sam and I would be better suited with her.  She is certified in this "Parent-Child Interaction Therapy" and it would be beneficial for Jeff and me to go through this 14 session training intervention.  I was given a brochure on what this training is all about and how it will help.  It apparently is designed for the "disruptive" (a term used many, many times) child and how to avoid confrontations.  Oh and by the way, she can also address the toilet training issue.  (This was said very after the fact.  The main concern being the interaction therapy.)

OMG!  Can I tell you how pissed I am!!?!?!?!?!?  Seriously?  How Jeff and I interact with Sam is such a concern that she is recommending this program??!?!?!   And when you read the brochure the first thing it says is:  "Who is PCIT for?"  "Children who have experienced stress or trauma".    What the hell trauma or stress has Sam had to deal with?  You'd think Sam was abused or neglected or being raised by a crack-whore, or her father was no longer in the picture.  None of this is further from the truth! 

And as for my parenting skills (you know interacting with my child), this is not my first time at the rodeo.  I do have a 7 year old son who is very well adjusted and not showing any signs of "stress" or "trauma". 

In my "EXPERT" opinion, Sam has control issues.  Plain and simple.  She likes (no, LOVES) to be in control.  It has to be her idea and if its not, then G-d help us.  Her withholding poop is another sign of her exerting control.  But somewhere along the way, it has become all about the way I am a mother to her.   

Personally, I think we need to leave this practice of clinicians altogether and find someone with more of a psychriatric background that can really help Sam.  Someone who can recommend testing if needed. I know Sam is very young to be diagnosed with any kind of disorder, but it would be helpful if someone (who knew what they were doing) could tell us that Sam's control issues could be a sign of this or that.  Someone who thinks dealing with the encompresis (poop withholding) is a top-priority and not an after-thought.

I spoke with Jeff and he thinks we should just give Sam the rest of the summer off from therapy.  Let her have a break.  I am inclined to agree with him. 

Before we got dropped (uh, I mean referred to someone else), Sam's therapist did tell me her thoughts on what we should do with the toilet training.  We are currently trying it now.  Wish us the best that this is the beginning of the end of this nightmare.  And oh yeah, that it is Sam's idea to want to do this too.

Reason to smile

The other day, I had picked Sam up from school and we were headed home.  During the drive, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Sam smiling.  She was happy, just sitting there in her seat, listening to the radio, with a smile on her face.  It was a beautiful thing and took my breath away.  Not to be so dramatic over this simple gesture, but I can't remember this ever happening. 

For so long I've been walking around on egg shells and doing my best to not piss her off.  It seemed like Sam was in a continually bad mood and every little thing set her off...some times it would be over absolutely nothing.  She was quick to anger, get intensely angry and lose all sense of reason.  Her temper tantrums and meltdowns would go on for a crazy amount of time and there was very little you could do to get her to calm down. This was multiple times a day, every day.  Fortunately, it was just with Jeff and me, but that meant this negative energy would have time to build up and explode when she was with us.

You don't realize what hell you've been accustomed to living in until you see the sun shining brightly and can breathe normal again.  I've found that when stressed, I'll unconsciously hold my breath in.  This has been going on for so long (we are approaching one year), that is was difficult to see the trees through the forrest.  I knew there was a big problem with Sam and it took everything I had to get these appointments made with all these doctors and wait our turn to be seen.  If anyone is thinking of changing careers, become a pediatric speciality in anything and you will have a line out your door a mile long waiting to get in.

For the past several weeks, Sam has been spending a large amount of time at various doctors and therapy trying to get to the bottom of it all.  It turns out that not pooping (she recently made it a full 18 day stretch without fully going) can really wreak havoc with your temperament.  We are not sure why Sam has this psychological need to hold in her poop (that's for the therapist to figure out and work on), but the pediatric GI doctor has us on a regimen to get her cleaned-out and going regularly.  In fact, we are intentionally inducing diarrhea (think oatmeal consistency) to happen every day for the next several months.  The goal is to get her so far removed from having to push out a bowel movement that she forgets about holding it in.  Of course Sam is back to wearing pull-ups and will be for quite some time, but this is for the best.  I am sure Target is missing the weekly sale of 20 pairs of girls underwear each week that I was purchasing, because of all the overflow soiling previously going on.

We are not out of the woods yet.  We are in the middle of a series of appointments with a pediatric developmental pediatrician who will look at both the medical and behavioral issues and give us the full picture.  I have to admit it is a big relief to be moving in the right direction.  It will be up to a year (according to the GI doctor) before the pooping can get to normal, but I am so excited to be seeing a little progress. Seriously, it is a night and day difference with her temperament and disposition.

I am enjoying being around Sam.  She is delightful.  We are having fun together.  The diarrhea daily (some times up to 3 times a day) I will gladly embrace and clean-up if it means I am around someone who is human.  And not around someone who is constantly cranky, irritable, quick to anger, and fly off the handle. I guess you would be too if you only went poop every 12 to 18 days.

No time to learn Japanese.

Most days I don't know if I am coming or going.  My desire to multi-task and cross things off my to-do list mostly has me feeling like a hamster on a wheel, not getting anywhere fast.

I was advised to get the book "Everyone Poops" and read it to Sam.  Not just once, but over and over again.  As soon as I heard this, I promptly got in the car and called Barnes & Noble (while I was headed in that direction) to see if they had the book in stock.  After being told they don't have it, but should expect a new shipment to arrive in a week, I quickly decided to order it from Amazon.  So much easier to get stuff online and have it come to you.  I actually thought about downloading it to my Kindle, but decided this was bad idea if there were cool pictures, colors or illustrations Sam would benefit from seeing.

Within 2 minutes, I had the book ordered and was very happy in my decision to not track it down somewhere in Fairfax.  Bookstores are actually getting to be far and few between where we live, and if Barnes and Noble didn't have it, then it was going to take a few phone calls to track it down, not to mention many miles to drive there.

The next day, I receive an email from the vendor who is fulfilling the order I placed on Amazon.

Dear Buyer,

This message is to confirm to you that the book you ordered is written in Japanese.   If this is not what you want, please let us know as soon as possible.

Thank you,
Chew's Books

Whoops!  Thankfully someone caught my mistake before it got sent out.  Way to go Chew's Books and Amazon.  I have enough issues getting Sam to poop, I certainly don't need to add translating Japanese to that list too.

Yes, this is what I am dealing with.

The kids and I met up with some friends for a bowling playdate.  Both Ian and Sam love to bowl and it is a fun way to spend the afternoon when I get to catch up with one of my favorite mommy friends.  I knew in advance that Sam was probably not going to want to wear the bowling shoes.  I was mentally prepared for this and waited for her to request the shoes after seeing her brother and friends put theirs on.  I got Sam the correct size and put them on her feet.  Sam was in some kind of mood and nothing was making her happy.  After taking her turn bowling, she flung herself on the floor and picked-up her temper tantrum from where she left off before her turn.  She took off her bowling shoes and  as threw them, she yelled, "I can't wear these.  They are too comfortable." 

Really?  What in the world do I do with that information?  Yes, folks, this is what I am dealing with.  G-d help us all.

*************************************************************************

I picked Sam up from school one day and she was wearing different bottoms than what I dropped her off in that morning.  Sam saw me at the doorway and ran, yelling in excitement, "I pooped, Mommy!  I pooped!"  As the teacher explained, she didn't make it quite in time to the bathroom and they had to put her back-up pants on her. 

Before I could say, "Yay" to Sam for pooping, Sam burst into a hysterical cry and I picked her up to console her.  I asked her why she was crying and once she caught her breath, Sam said, "My pants don't match my shirt."

Oh my.

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am little superstitious and afraid I will jinx myself by even mentioning it, but I want so badly to shout from the rooftops, that my very strong-willed, will-do-it-when-she-is-good-and-ready, marches-to-the-beat-of-her-own-drum daughter is potty trained once and for all! 

As we all know, this has been a very long and  painful ordeal.  I don't think potty training is for the faint of heart.  There are few myths I'd like to debunk:

1. Potty training girls is easier.  FALSE!  As I can testify, this is not always the case.  Ian got it in 6 days flat.  I am not sure I even know how to count that high with how long it took Sam.

2. Girls can be potty trained at an earlier age; mostly likely they have the ability to get it at 2.5 years old.  FALSE!  We tried to potty train Sam at 2.5 years old.  It was a disaster.  We tried again at 3 years old.  Again, a disaster.  It took until Sam was over 3 years, 3 months old before it finally stuck.

3. No matter how bad it gets, if you stick with it, the child will eventually get it.  FALSE!  I stuck with it for over 27 days straight when I tried to potty train Sam right after turning 3 years old.  27 days of pure craziness and insanity showing me again and again she wasn't able to successfully do it.

4. Just use a great reward system (stickers, m&ms, treasure chest, etc) and you will have no problems creating a reason for the child to want to use the potty.  FALSE!  This is a complete joke.  And you know who ate more m&ms than Sam?  Yes, me!  Not to mention, I have about a thousand stickers ready to be stuck on something.  Each reward we tried to implement lost its appeal within the 1st day. 

Here's the thing....at the end of the day, the child has to want to use the potty.  The child has to want to keep her underwear dry.  The child has to want to hold it until she can successfully make it to the bathroom.  There is no amount of pleading, begging, or anticipating if they need to go or not that will make potty training easier.  I've learned the hard way, you can't force a child to be potty trained.

And so, now we can close the chapter on this milestone.  Please stick a fork in me.  I am done.  This is the LAST CHILD I AM EVER POTTY TRAINING!!!   So far, in all my mommyhood experiences, potty training ranks up there as the thing I've liked the least.  I look at women who have lots of kids or are currently pregnant and all I can think of is, one day soon, you will have to go through this and I feel for you.  I don't see the joy in having a newborn or a toddler running around being all cute.  I just see the future struggle and pain in going diaper free. 

We just completed one whole week (at preschool, no less) with no accidents!  OH. MY. GAWD. !!  I didn't think I'd ever see the day.  Wait, there goes a pig flying by.  It just got cold in hell.  Ha!  I still have my sarcastic sense of humor...this excruciating ordeal has not broken me.  Crippled, yes, but not completely broken.

I'd like to take a moment and thank Samantha.  Thank her for finally getting on board the potty train and figuring this was a pretty good idea to do....finally!!!  

Manipulation at its best

I am frequently asked where we are with Sam's potty training.  So, let me paint the scene for you. 

I am done messing around.  Sam knows what she needs to do and has proven she can do it.  However, she chooses not to.  She takes the easy way out and pees in her pull-up.  Once and for all, I've had it and decided that we done with pull-ups and its now or never to getting potty trained.


Saturday:
In the morning we put underwear on Sam and she does great.  We pack up to go to Chesapeake Beach for the day and tell Sam we will put a pull-up on her. It's an hour drive, and I can only imagine it would be a recipe for disaster to expect her to stay dry.  She says no and promises to keep underwear dry.  About 50 minutes in to the drive, Sam says she needs to go potty.  We pull over to the side of the road and she successfully pees in our portable potty.  Yay!  It's at this point she demonstrated (again) she can recognize the urge to go and hold it until she can relieve herself.  I am now ready to never turn back again and put pull-ups on her, even on long car rides.


Sunday:
All day she does great in underwear.  I feel we've completely turned the corner and are headed down easy street.  We drop Sam off at our friend Jen's house at 3:00pm.  Sam will be spending the rest of the day and night at her house.  I don't even pack a pull-up, but include another change of clothes and 7 pairs of back-up underwear.  Unbeknownst to me, Jeff did throw a pull-up in her bag.  I tell Jen I am confident that Sam has this potty training thing down.  Jen says she will put a pull-up on Sam for the birthday party they are attending in an hour.  I want the experience of watching Sam to be as stress-free as possible and totally understand Jen doing this.  However, Sam doesn't get more than 5 minutes after we've left before the accidents begin.  She tells Jen she has to go, but by the time they make it to the bathroom, Sam has already wet herself.  It's pull-up city from here on out for the rest of the time and I am completely on board with this thinking. 


Monday:
We pick Sam up and come home. By 10:00am, I've got her back in underwear.  This is it. She can do this!  At 11:15am, Sam puts herself down for a nap.  This is her new thing to do and I am very pleased when she recognizes she needs one and goes up to her room to sleep.  I follow her and ask if I can put a pull-up on her while she sleeps.  This, in my opinion, is the only time I want her to be in one.  It is not fair to ask her or expect her to stay dry while she is sleeping.  Sam refuses and within 2 minutes she is fast asleep.  Sam sleeps for a little more than 3 hours and I can only imagine the huge mess that will have occurred by the time she wakes up.  Believe it or not, she stayed completely dry!!  Wow.  She went from 10:00am until 2:15pm not going to the bathroom.  As soon as she wakes up, we encourage Sam to go use the potty.  Surely, she must have to go by now.  Sam refuses and a HUGE fight ensues between Jeff, me and her.  Sam is flipping out about going on the toilet and is demanding a pull-up.  Of course we all know why she wants the pull-up.  No way, Jose. 

30 minutes later of us all yelling and screaming back and forth at each other, Sam is still refusing to try to go on the potty and hasn't peed at all yet.  It's pretty unbelievable. She is getting all nutzo about wanting to wear a pull-up and keeps taking her big girl underwear off.  It is insane. At this point, Sam is tired of us hounding her to try to use the potty and also keep her underwear on. She says she is tired and is going to take a nap again.  She crawls under her comforter, takes the covers over her head and lays there quietly.  After 20 minutes Jeff and I go up to check on her.  She is still laying there quietly.  Jeff and I try to come up with ideas on what to do to make this situation better.  One of the things she was screaming about was her underwear was too small.  They were sized 2T-3T, so I guess we could officially go up a size.  I offer to go to the store with her and get her new, big girl underwear in a bigger size.  She finally agrees to this and says she will come pick them out with me.  I tell her that they only way we can leave the house is if we all try to go to the bathroom first and get dressed in clothes. 

Within 30 seconds, Sam is out of her bed and sitting on the potty. She lets loose a big amount of pee and I fully realize at this moment how incredibly manipulative Sam is.  She held it for more than 5 hours!!  She only went to the bathroom when it was completely on her terms. 

We went to Kohls and bought 42 pairs of new big girl underwear.  I think we are set for a long, long time.

It's not pretty, but I think we are making progress.  There is no going back to pull-ups.  If anyone asks me now if Sam is potty trained, I say, "Yes, she is...she gets it and knows what to do."
She is a girl and this is a whole different animal than I am used to.  I previously thought Ian gave me a run for my money, but we are talking a very different universe with Samantha. 

I can breathe again.

Back in June, my friend Jen and I signed up our kids for this great deal Certifikid was promoting.  One week of camp at JW Tumbles for kids ages 3 to 7.  It would be from 11:30am to 4:00pm each day, Monday thru Friday.  All for $99.  Yippee!!  Both kids could go, to the same place, during the same week, for a good amount of time.  And the icing on the cake was Jen signed up her two boys (same ages as my two) and we'd be able to carpool. 

We picked this past week for them to attend and the theme was going to be Gymnastics.  How wonderful given the fact that Ian is in to gymnastics right now and would really enjoy getting to do cartwheels and flips to his heart's content.  The only hitch was, everything we read said the kids had to be "Restroom Independent".  Oy!  I was assured by my friend that by the time the camp actually happened, Sam would be well on her way to being fully potty trained.  We had the WHOLE SUMMER to work on it, how could she not be?

Yep, you guessed it.  Fast forward to this past week, and as far as I could tell, Sam was more "Restroom Retarded"  than independent. She doesn't wear diapers anymore, but she may as well have for how she treats the pull-ups she sports.  I was very stressed thinking about the situation and wasn't sure what to do.  I knew if I never mentioned anything to JW Tumbles, I'd be holding my breath the whole week just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

PLAN A:
Put Sam in a dry pull-up as soon as she gets dropped off.  Give a bag of back-up clothing, stick a few pull-ups in there and hope for the best.  The staff at JW Tumbles said they take lots of bathroom breaks and everything would be fine.  I figured I had one good day before we got busted trying to fool them.


PLAN B:
As soon as I was told she wasn't allowed to stay at the camp anymore, I would hang out there the whole 4.5 hour session each day and attend to Sam's bathroom needs myself.  I'd bring my kindle and blend into the background not bothering anyone until I had to intervene.  At least Sam would be able to have fun and take advantage of this great camp.


HERE'S HOW IT WENT DOWN:

Monday and Tuesday came and went.  They never mentioned anything.  I did notice a pull-up was missing from the bag I left with her.

Wednesday, when I went to pick her up, the very nice lady in charge said, "I just want you to know she peed in her pants.  But she had a pull-up on, so everything is fine." 
"Yeah, I figured that was going to happen.  Are you throwing her out of here?", I timidly asked?  
"No, never.", my new best friend answered.

Thursday, we took it up a notch and Sam pooped, not once, but TWICE!!!  And get this, they didn't even mention it.  I heard about it from Ian. But another pull-up was missing and they took care of the situation.

Friday was the last day, and I knew we were in the clear.  But guess what?  Sam pooped again, BOTH pull-ups I left with her were used and they still never said anything.

The kids had an awesome time and loved every second being at JW Tumbles summer camp.  It was so much fun for them and I hope that Certifikid has this deal again next year.  It's a little too far distance-wise to justify paying the full amount ($225 for each kid, plus $50 member fee), but in a heartbeat, I'd sign up again at the discounted fee.  And we do have one more year where both kids will fall within the correct age span.

As for me being able to enjoy Plan A and not having to resort to Plan B, let's have this be our little secret, shall we?

The State of Samantha

Many people keep asking me about Sam and all those hot topics we are dealing with.  Here is an update on The State of Samantha.


Oh, those sleepless nights!
I am going to take a big risk, tempt fate and say this out loud.....for several weeks now, Sam has consistently been getting 11 hours of sleep and making it through the night without too much turmoil.  If she gets through the day without a nap, Sam will go to bed easily at 7:00pm.  However, if Sam falls asleep at any point during the day, she won't fall asleep at night until 9:30pmish.  Its nights like these that you can bet she'll wake up earlier than the roosters and greet the day grumpily at 5:00amish.  It makes for a long, long day and you only hope she won't fall asleep again before bed time and can get back on schedule.  We are all happier that Sam's sleep issues have seemed to work themselves out.


Here a temper tantrum, there a temper tantrum, everywhere a temper tantrum!
Now that Sam is getting sleep, her temper tantrums have been taken down a notch.  I'm not saying we are out of the words completely, but we can reason with her more and for the most part, Sam listens to what we are saying and is satisfied with the answer.  If Sam is tired in the least bit (which is likely the case starting early afternoon), then she is whiny, cranky and downright miserable.  In other words, very hard to be around.  I have noticed some change for the better in her temperament.  Either that, or I've become more tolerant.



Potty Training - Day 23
I made it 23 days in this crazy potty training saga before I couldn't take it anymore. 

Here's what finally made me snap and jump overboard the potty training ship (so to speak):  We went to the movies on Saturday (Day 21).  Sam had a spectacular day and I was very impressed with her ability to tell us she had to go, hold it until we made it to the bathroom and keep her underwear dry.  The whole day she was a rockstar.  The very next day, on Sunday (Day 22), she had absolutely no success and we went through 30 pairs of underwear in less than 1/2 a day.  It was the craziest thing!  We did nothing different than the day before.  She never made it in time to the bathroom, and some of the time didn't even tell us she was peeing.  It was a nightmare!  On Monday morning (Day 23), when we had 5 accidents within an hour, I was beyond frustrated and couldn't go on like we had been.  I told her we were doing pull-ups from here on out.  When she can show me she can keep the pull-up dry for hours on end, then I will reconsider putting her back in big girl underwear. 

She obviously can do it and has proven to us that she is capable.  So now we will wait it out and use the pull-ups in the meantime.


Need ear plugs STAT!
Sam whines so much I want to offer her some cheese to go along with it.  OMG!  It's grating on the ears and makes me sometimes wish I was deaf.  I've tried every tactic in combatting it and now resort to telling her I can't hear her in that voice and do my best to ignore it until she changes her ways.  The other day I found myself yelling at Sam for such a long time, that I am sure Joan Crawford ("Mommie Dearest" reference) from her grave was taking lessons.  It was really bad.   Ian said he was feeling a little left out and I asked him if he wanted me to yell at him too. 

Now that I've come to terms with the potty training not working out, the whining is the one thing that needs major work. 


Let's wrap this up!
Sam is amazing.  She can be playful, funny, sweet and cuddly a good portion of the day and then something will her set her off and it's all downhill.  I'd like to think I am doing a better job of anticipating her moods and trying to side-step some of the major explosions that can occur.   Every day brings a fresh new start....that is until I get back from the gym at 7:00am and see what kind of mood she is in.

Losing It

For the past 17 days, those around me know how consumed I've become over this potty training thing.  I am not going to bore you with the details on how challenging this has become, but I do want to give a public apology to one of the victims of my current mental state.  This public shout-out goes to my dad, Jeff Mazer. 

You see it was my dad's birthday yesterday and I completely forgot. In all my years, I've never forgotten a family member's birthday.  Never.  Ever.  It's unthinkable in my mind. In fact, for weeks ahead of the date, I will start thinking of the perfect present and make sure it is bought or ordered in enough time to receive it before the big day.  And on the first of each month, I'll make a trip to my local Hallmark store and stock up on all the greeting cards needed that month.  Neither happened this month. And to make matters worse, it took my dad calling me yesterday, surprised I hadn't called him yet to wish him a happy birthday.   Yeah, I was surprised too.  Surprised it was his birthday and very surprised I forgot.

Happy Birthday Dad!!  You showed me it is okay to think outside the box, bend the rules when necessary and to give it everything you've got.  I love you and wish you many more birthdays to come. 

The epitomy of cool.

I've got a chance to redeem myself on the 19th, when it is Father's day.  I've already got a great surprise planned for Jeff (husband).  Now I just need to pull something together for the other Jeff (my dad).  After all, he is 1/2 responsible for giving me life, and thus making me go crazy with this potty training thing.  Hmmm.  I wonder what wonderful thing I can find to say "Thank you" for all that?!?!?

Oy!  I need to regroup and get it together again.  I most definitely need a break.  But I am way too far into this to turn back now.  Just 13 days until the kids head down to FL.  Yes, 13 days.  We will soon be in single digits.  Yay!

The battle is painfully feeling like "the hundred years war"

I am not sure I am cut out for this.  Potty training Sam is doing me in.  We are now on day 11 and the light at the end of the tunnel is flickering off and on, mostly off.  I am exhausted at the end of each day and ready to crawl into a hole and stay there. 

When we are at home, we have success approx. 90% of the time, but once we leave these four walls, anything goes.  It is a painful process and I am either going to go gray, have pulled out all my hair or become an alcoholic by the time we are done.

Quite a few people have told me that obviously Sam is not ready yet and she should go back to diapers.  Really?  I don't believe this for a second.  Sam is ready. She knows what she needs to do.  She proved that to me on Sunday, June 5th when we had an entire day with no accidents.  I think she is so stubborn that she'd rather do things her way and that means not always going on the potty to try when I think we should (like right before leaving the house, or when we arrive somewhere new, or when its been a really long time since her last pee). 

I am not sure I can do this anymore.  I am putting up the white flag and waving it high.  I need a sign from Sam that she is willing to meet me 1/2 way.  This is so painful.  I refuse turn back and give in.  If this is a testament of wills, I can be just as headstrong.  Afterall, she is half me (although, if you ask Jeff, he'll say she is ALL me). 

I just need to take a deep breath and keep going.  Oh, and in the back of my head is my countdown.  18 days and the kids are headed down to Orlando (without me!).  18 days....I know I can do this.  Just got to keep reminding myself.

An act of brotherly love

I don't know if anyone fully realizes how obsessed consumed I've become over getting Sam potty trained.  But it is taking over my every waking moment and at the end of the day, I am exhausted.  When your not sure if your little girl will tell you if she has to pee or is able to hold it, you can never let your guard down.  I am always on the look out for signs (crossing legs, strange expression on her face, etc) and of course there is the time on the clock.  Every 30 minutes, 45 minutes, now every hour, I am asking her if she has to go and getting her on the potty. 

Honestly, I don't even remember any of this with Ian.  With him, I felt like it was 6 messy days and then we were in the clear.  That's all I remember!  I am sure there were accidents beyond day 6, but I guess I've blocked that out of my head.  You have to forgive me on this one, Sam was only 2 weeks old when I potty trained Ian, so obviously sleep deprivation played a big part in my memory from that time period.

In the spirit of this is all I can think about; I give you a sweet scenario that happened in our house this morning.  Made me fall more in love with Ian than I even knew possible.

6:30am:  Ian wakes up and makes a beeline for the bathroom located directly across the hall from his room.

Sam sees Ian making his way to the bathroom and yells, "I'VE GOT TO PEEEEEEEE."

Ian, who at this point had his pajama bottoms and underwear down by his ankles, toilet seat lifted and very ready to go, hears Sam screams she has to pee and puts the seat back down, puts Sam's potty seat on top and pulls up his underwear and shorts.  And he did it with such lightening fast speed that I couldn't even get the words out, "Come Sam, we'll use the one downstairs."

Wow!  Even Ian is tuned in with what is going on and doing his part to help us have some potty training success.  Without a word spoken, Ian walked downstairs to use the toilet and left his bathroom ready to go for Sam to jump on.

Winning the battle and the war!

This past Sunday as I said good-bye to my mom at the airport, I decided to give her the best present I could and get Sam potty trained by the time she came back at the end June.  Sam was now officially 3 years old and it was time to take the plunge again.  I thought how nice it would be for my mom not to have to worry about changing diapers when the kids went to stay with her.  It's the least I could do for the person who was willing to give to me a very much needed break.

As reported on December 26, 2010, (click here if you need a recap of just how bad it was), I had given it my all in attempting to potty train Sam once before.  Clearly she wasn't ready.  I can tell you that now with 100% certainty and I am very happy I put an end to the madness after just one extremely hellish day.

Fast forward 5 months and I woke up one morning (Sunday, 5/29) and decided it was time to dive into the deep end and give it a go again.  Eventually she'd have to get it, right?  The problem was, in all the attempts to get her to pee on the potty, nothing ever came out.  NOTHING.  NADA.  ZIP.  It was incredibly frustrating.  Sam just couldn't make the connection to peeing while sitting on the toilet.  Oy.

And, then finally, at 8:43am on Sunday morning, she peed on the potty for the very first time.  The look on her face was priceless.  It was a mixture of pride, happiness and a bit of surprise.  I had the same feeling, only also tearing up too because we were finally getting somewhere.

I know its not going to be easy.  I know that we have many, many more accidents before we are home-free.  But, after 4 full days of not wearing diapers (only at night, while sleeping), I am thrilled at Sam's progress. 

On Sunday we had 20 accidents, on Monday we had 10 accidents, on Tuesday we had 7 accidents, and on Wednesday, we had 4 accidents.  Yay!  And, there have been a few times when she told me on her own she had to go and it wasn't me just being an extra big freak putting her on the potty every 20 minutes.  I am of the mindset that your life doesn't stop when you are potty training.  If you have places to go, things to do, restaurants to eat at, you go and deal with the consequences.  Its important to establish a routine now and get used to walking into a place and immediately make a beeline for the bathroom upon entering and again, right before you leave. And of course, visiting it a few times in between.  My funniest incident I can remember (it's easy for me to laugh about it now), was when I started to potty train Ian and he ended up wearing Sam's burp cloth home because all my back-up underwear for him was wet.  Having 3 accidents during the 5 minutes I was getting my eyebrows waxed, completely depleted the back-up pile. It was hilarious and I am sure the ladies at Golden Nails was happy that they only see me once a month.  Life goes on and you hope that people are understanding.  I can proudly say that over the past 3 days we have now left Target, Glory Days, the drs office, and Safeway as dry as we found it.

It is nice to know that after 6 years, our days of wearing diapers are over.  It happened 5 months later than I expected, but I am ok with that.  Sam came into the world 5 1/2 weeks early and has been doing things on her own timeline ever since.

Like a hamster on a wheel not going anywhere

Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  What about fool me 8 times!!?!?!?!  Because that is how many accidents it took before I realized Sam is just not ready to be potty trained. 

I have a tendency to block out/soften the bad memories over time.  I no longer remember how hard the transition was for Ian to go from a crib to a toddler bed.  However, every time Sam gets out of her big girl bed and comes out of her room (when she should be sleeping), I think to myself, Ian never did this.  Good thing I've got my trusty, never-forgets-a-thing of a husband to remind me, that yes, Ian was the same exact way. 

And knowing after how horrific my first attempt at potty training Sam was on December 22nd, I will lose all memory of this event too.

SUPPORTING EVIDENCE WHY I WENT FOR IT
Everyone says that girls are easier to train and can do so at a younger age.  Sam was showing all signs of being ready and would frequently tell us to change her diaper when it was wet or that she had a "stinky butt" when she pooped.  And to top it off, we have two good toddler friends, born very close in age to Sam who are already potty trained and have some major success - enough to keep going and not look back.

Not to mention, Sam being off from school for Winter break is the perfect time to be at home for several days and concentrate on the new skill we'd be working on.    And the icing on the cake was the idea of going into 2011 and never buying diapers again. 

THE PLAN
Sam and I had picked out 28 pairs of big girl panties at Target the week before the big day.  She was extremely excited about having Princess, Minnie, Hello Kitty, and Dora themed panties to wear.  I have no problems washing the underwear if she only peed in it, but anything more substantial and I am throwing them away.  I figured 28 pairs could last us a few weeks before needing to replenish. 

First thing the morning of the 22nd, I eagerly told Sam she will only be wearing big girl underwear from now on.  Right away she replied back, "I am not potty training either."  This is her new thing; to put the word 'either' at the end of every sentence.  Like she is telling me something else she isn't going to do too.  I already knew I was in trouble as Sam is very headstrong.  But I wasn't going to be deterred and still continued on with the plan.

HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN
It took Sam 15 minutes to figure out which pair of panties she wanted to wear.  Then it took her another 10 minutes to figure out which pair of pants to put on.  Originally she wanted a skirt, but I wasn't going to deal with tights during the first few days.  That was a small battle, but I won!  Score one for mommy.  However, the rest of the day was score one for Sammy.

I kept tally on FB.  This was the only small joy I had through out the day.  Letting my FB friends and family know the torture I was going through as I was living it. 

One of my biggest obstacles was Sam not wanting to get on the toilet.  Normally she can't pass by a bathroom without wanting to go in.  So I was very surprised when she wouldn't even want to try.  I had to bribe her with an m&m for even just sitting there.  We so weren't off to a good start. 

The first accident didn't occur until 2 1/2 hours after she woke-up.  I was paranoid and tried to get her to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes.  Then during one of the next 30 minute stretches, she peed in her underwear.  She was not happy and cried, "I'm weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet".   I thought for sure this feeling would translate to her wanting to figure out the potty thing quickly.  After this, accidents started flowing pretty frequently.

At 9:40am
First accident has occurred. We both survived. Toilet = 0, Accidents = 1, m&ms = 3 (for trying).

At 9:55am
Accidents = 2, Toilet = 0, m&ms =3 (for trying)

At 12:17pm
Accidents = 4 (2 within 5 minutes of each other), Toilet = 0, m&ms = 5 (for trying)

At 12:41pm
Accidents = 5, Toilet = 0, m&ms = 5 (for trying)

At 1:30pm
Accidents = 6, Toilet = 0, m&ms = 5

At 1:52pm
Accidents = 7, Toilet = 0, m&ms = 5.

My new strategy:  Keep Sam "hanging out" on the toilet for the last 25 minutes. As soon as she came off the last two times, she peed in her underwear within 2 minutes. It's like she was holding it until she gets off.

At 2:40pm
Accidents = 8, Toilet = 0. Me = done.

I had so many people write in wonderful suggestions -- it's so much easier to give advice when its not you, isn't it?  :)  I did try to keep Sam commando the whole time.  Unfortunately, not only did she not want to go naked, she also needed to wear pants in addition to the panties.  The only saving grace was, by pair #4, she no longer cared which pair of underwear or pants I put on her. 

A few friends did suggest that Sam could very well not be ready yet.  I can now say I wholeheartedly agree.  SAM IS DEFINITELY NOT READY YET!!!!!!!   My one friend Amanda called and said I should try again in a few weeks.  Ha!  Are you kidding me?  Maybe, and this is a big maybe, I'll try again in the year 2013.  Why in the world would I put myself through this again?  Sam is currently in a great preschool where you don't have to be potty trained.  She can go all the way through to kindergarten before I am forced to relive this nightmare.

Once I finally surrendered and put Sam back in a diaper (with absolutely no argument from her), she said, "Sammy tired."  Given that she had given up her nap and hadn't had one all week, I could tell this ordeal really wore her out (and me!).  She went upstairs, crawled into bed and promptly went to sleep. 

Meanwhile, my golden boy Ian, was downstairs and once he saw me sans Sam, he said, "That was a disaster."  Yeah Ian, no joke.  Thanks for stating the obvious.  :) 

THE AFTERMATH
Once we both had a moment to regain our composure and breathe a sigh of relief that potty training was on hold (indefinitely!), Ian looked at me at 2:40pm and asked, "Did I have lunch today?"  Um, no Ian.  I totally forgot to fix you lunch.  OMG!  Poor thing was completely neglected for almost the entire day, other than when he was in school.  First in line for Worst Mother of The Year Award over here. 

So, if my memory ever softens on just how bad Wednesday, December 22nd was and I decide to give this a go again, please slap on the side of the head with this blog.  I am fine if I am still buying her diapers when we drop her off at college.

Only now can I Iook back and laugh

We are now embarking on the one year anniversary of Ian being potty trained. I've got to say that potty training was one of the scariest undertakings ever! You just never know how it is going to turn out or what you are in store for.

I knew Ian was on his way to being ready when we met at the playground behind our house one afternoon with friends. After we were done playing, we walked back towards our house where some of my mommy friends had their cars parked. Jeanne asked if Jacob could use our bathroom before loading her kids in the car. Sure, no problem! All the kids ran downstairs to either get a quick play in with one of Ian's toys or to use the bathroom. Jeanne and I stood upstairs and continued our chat. Jeanne felt it was taking Jacob (who was about to turn 4) a little too long to go to the bathroom and come right back to her, so she went down and investigated. OH MY GAWD!! She had a huge smile on her face and said I'd want to come see this.

Apparently, Jacob was long done with the bathroom and had moved on to Ian's train table. Ian, however, had decided to take over and had his POOPY DIAPER hanging half in and half out of the toilet. Poop was everywhere! His shorts were down by his ankles. His legs, socks and brand new sneakers (first time wearing them that day) were covered in poop -- because he used his legs as leverage to pull everything down or off. The floor was covered in random poop that flew out of his diaper and the bathroom rugs had a new tint of brown grounded all over it. Then, there's Ian who is standing at the toilet holding his 'wee-wee' over the poop smeared bowl trying to pee like a big boy. He does manage to pee something and then looks at me and says, "m&m now please." WHAT A MESS!! However, I couldn't be more proud of my little guy for trying to go on his own. He had never shown interest in trying to pee standing up before. He must've seen Jacob doing it and tried to imitate him.

A few days later I woke up one morning and decided to go cold turkey on Ian wearing diapers. I am not sure what got in me, but somehow I knew that day was the day to begin. Below is a snapshot view of what we went through with Ian before he got "it".

Typical conversation:

Me: Do you need to go poopy?
Ian: No
Me: Ian, it looks like you are pooping right now.
Ian: Yes, I am. All done.
Me: Why didn't you tell me you had to go?
Ian: I don't know. Can I have 5 m&ms now?
Me (while cleaning up Ian): Ian, this is such a mess. If you could just tell me that you need to poop, it would be so much easier for mommy.
Ian: Will you make my underwear as good as new again?
Me: (as I am putting his dirty underwear in one of Bailey's poop bags, tying it with it knot and throwing it in the trash); Yes.

Yes, only now I can look back and laugh. And, thank God for us all having survived.

They say girls are easier to train and I look actually look forward to finding out.